1. Finless Porpoise

The finless porpoise is a river dolphin known for its distinct smiling face. Its intelligence is comparable to that of a gorilla. The dolphins exhibit playfulness toward humans. An unfortunate result of this friendliness is that its population has dwindled to below 1800 individuals.  The World Wildlife Federation lists the dolphin as “critically endangered.”

We suggest an acidic and slightly bitter Rhône Wine.

Also Read: Ostriches Have A Very Strange And Very Real Sexual Desire For People

2. Whooping Crane

In 1941 just 24 whooping cranes existed on the entire planet.
After a tremendous conservation effort, there now exist 442 whooping cranes in the wild.

Because it’s cousin the sandhill crane is reported to taste like pork chops, we suggest a earthy and fruity Pinot Noir.

3. The Soccoro Dove

The Soccoro dove is named such because when discovered, it existed only on Soccoro island. It is believed the dove met its demise after a number of feral cats were introduced to its island home.

Now the bird exists nowhere in the wild.  It is estimated that fewer than 100 purebred Soccer doves exist in captivity. Efforts are being made to reintroduce the bird, but so far none have proved fruitful.

For gamy birds like the dove, we recommend a fruitful, medium bodied Zinfandel.

Also Read: 22 Color Mutations in Nature

4. Wyoming Toad

The Wyoming toad once existed over a range of 1,400 miles. The toad can now only be found in a 2 mile area at the Mortenson Lake National Wildlife Refuge in Wyoming. Reasons for their decline include disease, insecticide use, and weather.

We all know frog legs go well with white wine, because of their delicate flavor. We recommend an Australian Sauvignon Blanc.

5. Wild African Ass

The wild African ass is an interesting case, in that it is a subspecies has practically been bred out of existence. The Wild Ass is listed as critically endangered by the IUCN. A group of the asses is protected in Isreal’s Yotvata Hai-Bar Nature Reserve, and zoos around the world house approximately 150 individuals.

A mild red such as a Cabernat Sauvigonon would be appropriate.


6. Hawksbill Sea Turtle

The hawksbill sea turtle is critically endangered due to, you guessed it: human fishing practices. Human capture combined with its slow reproduction rates has made rehabilitation of turtle populations difficult. Actions taken by the Convention on International Trade in Endangered Species of Wild Fauna and Flora means trade and hunting of the turtle is illegal. The turtle’s diet of jelly fish can actually make its flesh toxic.

If served as a soup, we recommend a Sherry.

7. Saiga

Saigas are an antelope known for their muppet-like appearance. Unfortunately, they are also known for their medicinal properties. Because of their perceived value in Eastern medicine, saigas are being poached at an alarming rate. The IUCN lists the antelope as “critically endangered” and to make matters worse, an infection of goat plague wiped out 60% of their entire population in the matter of days.  

Favor wines with earthy or smokey flavors, such as Mourvedre.


Whatever animal from this dying earth you choose to consume, we hope our advice will point you to the perfect pairing. Until next time— if there is a next time. Cheers!