Blah blah blah, something about people having to pee in bottles at work because they're given impossible productivity goal by their supreme overlord. All must bow before the greatest company in the world, our mother,  our father and our friend, Amazon.  

Amazon is in the news again and no we're not trying to sell you something. (Get one now for just $59.99) Amazon is making waves and this time it's not about spending money on space exploration or paying their workers poorly, it's much more important than that.  Allow us to introduce you to the future of microwaves! The AmazonBasics 0.7cu 700w Alexa powered microwave allows you to cook popcorn and reheat day old coffee with the sound of your voice. 

It's so easy anyone can do it! All you have to do is get your fat ass off the couch, walk into your kitchen, take out whatever frozen dinner or lukewarm coffee you have laying around, open your microwave, put it in, close the door, press the Alexa speak button and say, "Alexa, cook my Hungry Man meal for two minutes", wait the two minutes, take it out and eat it. Simple. Thanks, Amazon, you know what I want better than I do. 

"Alexa, please record everything you hear me say and do and save those recording on an Amazon server and use the data to sell me things for the rest of my life."