Pooping in Space is Hilarious and Gross - Here's How It's Done
Pooping in space is no easy task.
Published 5 years ago in Funny
With the anniversary of the Apollo 11 moon landing happening earlier this week, there has been a lot of talk about the mission and the difficulties of handling necessary bodily functions in outer space. Award-winning author Mary Robinette Kowal took to Twitter to answer virtually any question you could have about going to the bathroom in space.
Let's talk about peeing in space.
— Mary Robinette Kowal (@MaryRobinette) July 19, 2019
Several people, in response to my NY Times essay, have said that women couldn't go into space because we lacked the technology for them to pee in space.
When the Mercury program was proposed, doctors were worried that people would not be able to urinate or even swallow without the aid of gravity.
— Mary Robinette Kowal (@MaryRobinette) July 19, 2019
And yet, they still made plans to send a man into space.
When Alan Shepherd became the first American man to go into space, it was scheduled to be a fifteen-minute mission.
— Mary Robinette Kowal (@MaryRobinette) July 19, 2019
Up.
Hello space!
Back down.
They made no plans for peeing.
Launchpad delays meant that Shepherd hit a point where he needed to go. Badly.
— Mary Robinette Kowal (@MaryRobinette) July 19, 2019
He asked Mission Control for permission to go in his suit. After consultation with flight surgeons & suit technicians, they gave him permission to do so.
So he wet himself & still went into space.
Later, they solved this problem by developing a sheath, that looked much like a condom.
— Mary Robinette Kowal (@MaryRobinette) July 19, 2019
It worked great in testing, but when the actual astronauts used it, the sheath kept blowing off and leaving them with pee in their suits.
Was this about extended time in the spacesuit?
The sheaths came in small, medium, and large. It turns out, the men were all saying that they needed a Large sheath.
— Mary Robinette Kowal (@MaryRobinette) July 19, 2019
They did not.
Subsequently, the astronauts called the sheaths were called "Extra-large," "Immense," and "Unbelievable."
They had to tape a bag to their ass to poop.
— Mary Robinette Kowal (@MaryRobinette) July 19, 2019
That worked well for Gemini and Mercury. And by well, I mean there was still urine in the capsule and it stank of feces.
Apollo needed a different solution.
Alas, they still had to poop into a bag, but for peeing, they could slip on a condom attached to a valve, turn the valve and have their urine sucked into the vacuum of space.
— Mary Robinette Kowal (@MaryRobinette) July 19, 2019
If you timed it right.
Open the valve a fraction too late, and urine escaped to float around the cabin.
— Mary Robinette Kowal (@MaryRobinette) July 19, 2019
Open it too early and the vacuum of space reached through the valve to grab your manhood.
Apparently, the venting of pee into space is very pretty. It catches the sunlight and sparkles.
For the spacewalks, the Apollo astronauts were back to condoms that collected the pee in a bag in the suit.
— Mary Robinette Kowal (@MaryRobinette) July 19, 2019
Buzz Aldrin was the second man on the moon, but the first to pee there.
During Apollo13, everyone who has seen the movie knows that Fred Haise got sick. Do you know why, though?
— Mary Robinette Kowal (@MaryRobinette) July 19, 2019
After the accident, they couldn't use the regular vent, because it needed to be heated to keep the pee from freezing.
The alternate system caused droplets to float around the ship. Mission Control told them to stop dumping pee.
— Mary Robinette Kowal (@MaryRobinette) July 19, 2019
It wasn't meant to be a permanent ban, but the crew didn't understand that. So they were stashing pee in every bag or container possible.
The fastest option was to store it in the collection bags they wore in their suits. Haise kept his on for hours and hours, basically bathing in pee.
— Mary Robinette Kowal (@MaryRobinette) July 19, 2019
He got a UTI and then a kidney infection.
Finally, a decade later, NASA decides to send women into space. NOW they have a reason to come up with how to handle peeing in space if you don't have a penis.
— Mary Robinette Kowal (@MaryRobinette) July 19, 2019
To launch and for a spacewalk, they developed the MAG
Maximum Absorbency Garment.
It's a diaper.
The men switched over to using those because it was more comfortable and less prone to leave pee floating around the cabin than the condom sheath.
— Mary Robinette Kowal (@MaryRobinette) July 19, 2019
They also developed a zero-G toilet so that astronauts no longer had to tape a bag to their ass.
Peeing or pooping in space is now a lengthy process, involving a fan, a targeting system, and a fair amount of prayer.
— Mary Robinette Kowal (@MaryRobinette) July 19, 2019
Fun pooping in space fact: Without gravity, the poop doesn't break off as it exits your body. You have to reach back and help with special gloves.
Peeing is a little more straightforward. It's basically a funnel, a tube, a bag, and a fan for suction.
— Mary Robinette Kowal (@MaryRobinette) July 19, 2019
Sometimes though, the toilet breaks down. At that point, they return to using "relief bags" taped to their ass and "manual urine containment."
During a malfunction, it is also possible for a giant floating globe of pee to exit the toilet.
— Mary Robinette Kowal (@MaryRobinette) July 19, 2019
Fun fact: Due to chemicals, it is bright purple and acidic.
Fun fact: Poop regularly escapes, which is why you never eat a milk dud found floating in the ISS.
All of which is to say that the reason women didn't go into space had nothing to do with lacking the technology to pee.
— Mary Robinette Kowal (@MaryRobinette) July 19, 2019
We didn't have the technology for men to pee in space when they started either.
And some days, the best solution is still a diaper or a bag taped to the ass
Fun fact: Gravity creates most of the sense of urgency for peeing, so in microgravity, astronauts can't always tell when they need to go.
— Mary Robinette Kowal (@MaryRobinette) July 19, 2019
It's such a complicated process that they pee on a schedule.
Fun fact: When Yuri Gargarin was on his way to the launch pad, he realized the suit-up had taken so long that he needed to pee. He got out of the truck and peed on the tire.
— Mary Robinette Kowal (@MaryRobinette) July 19, 2019
Every astronaut to launch from Baikonur since has done the same.
Women squat or carry a vial of pee.
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