Before we get into this, let me just say that I know nothing about Dutch politics, and quite frankly, I refuse to learn about them. That said, I do know a fair bit about the Dutch language — for example, the fact that it’s absolutely ridiculous.
Dutch sounds like if you tried to teach German to the Swedish chef from the Muppets. Visually, its words approximate English, though the language always looks like it’s been put through some sort of filter to enhance its stupidity. That’s how you get real headlines like the post-World War II “HITLER DOOD — WAT NOU?” — or beautiful sentences like “geef me een klap papa” (Translation: “spank me daddy”).
Dutch is not a real Language pic.twitter.com/2gv9XLgw6G
— Luna (@SaddersaLuna) February 6, 2022
Usually, the absurdity of the Dutch language isn’t an issue, so long as it doesn’t leave its homelands. But when it does, boy, can it cause a stir. Case in point: Recently, Dutch politician Geert Wilders tweeted the following:
We hebben een serieus probleem met de politieke ontwikkelingen mbt de dwangwet en ik hoop dat dat de komende dagen kan worden opgelost.
— Geert Wilders (@geertwilderspvv) January 17, 2024
According to X/Twitter’s automatic translation, the text reads, “We have a serious problem with the political developments regarding the coercion law and I hope that it can be resolved in the coming days.”
Again, I don’t know what this is about. From skimming articles, it doesn’t seem great. However, all I care about is the opening line of this tweet, which purports to be a genuine statement made in a real language: “We hebben een serieus probleem.”
Thankfully, I wasn’t alone in clocking this as laughable — and X/Twitter proceeded to have a field day.
https://t.co/4b0QIYEX8M pic.twitter.com/3vpPOXWip5
— Matt Binder (@MattBinder) January 19, 2024
New dutch reaction image just dropped https://t.co/MXQXapA7JW pic.twitter.com/dNccPY6DPu
— Grosdoriane (@Grosdoriane) January 19, 2024
This is how emo kids used to type in 2005 https://t.co/sXKoj4tdUv
— MANA (@ReptilianHybrid) January 19, 2024
My ex drunk texting me in the middle of the night https://t.co/pKjSPeN7PS
— someone’s mom (top 6.9% of nice bitches) (@bustelo4babies) January 19, 2024
Yes, maybe it’s unfair of me as an English speaker to criticize the Dutch for having a stupid language — but seeing as they’ve got lax weed laws and legalized sex work, I’m sure they’ll be able to handle a little ribbing just fine.
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