When the Apple Vision Pro was announced, many people only had one thing on their mind: Can I jack off with it?


Amongst the many promises of the Vision Pro is its screen, which Apple says features 23 million pixels, and its pass-through feature, which allows one to place windows and objects in real space, as perceived through the device.


Needless to say, the gooners were excited from day one. About eight months ago, a user on the r/GoonCaves subreddit shared their belief that the device could do away with the idea of a goon cave entirely. In the months since, others have simply offered their excitement, with one saying that the Vision Pro will make said goon caves “absolutely insane.”



The problem is, no porn really exists for the Vision Pro — at least, not yet.


To fully take advantage of the Vision Pro’s VR, or, uh, *spatial computing* capabilities, one would need to use a porn app designed with the Vision Pro in mind. Unfortunately for those eager gooners, such apps are banned on the App Store, and they’re unlikely to be unbanned anytime soon.


All of this means that those eager to jerk it are, so far, not too thrilled by the Vision Pro. “Immediately upon release, reality dawned on Vision Pro purchasers, who made threads titled ‘No porn?,’ ‘Us WebXR folks want porn,’ and ‘So uhh.. where is all the 3d porn?’” summarizes a piece on 404media. “Similar discussion is happening on a Discord group for Vision Pro owners, with users there saying things like ‘very bad news for people who want to use for porn.’”


If all this has brought you down, don’t take your johnson out of your hands yet. As it turns out, there may be some hope on the horizon. Recently, it was announced that, thanks to EU regulations, iPhone users would be allowed to sideload apps in Europe. If this logic carries to the Vision Pro — which it looks like it might — that means that Vision Pro owners can expect some in-depth VR porn apps as soon as March.


Developers, get to work!