MrBeast Says He’s ‘Considering’ Bailing Out the Banks
Move over blind people, African children and Twitch e-girls — YouTube charity porn star MrBeast has hinted at the latest benefactor of his borderline-exploitative philanthropy — the global banking system.
Published 2 years ago in Funny
Move over blind people, African children and Twitch e-girls — YouTube charity porn star MrBeast has hinted at the latest benefactor of his borderline-exploitative philanthropy — the global banking system.
Last week, MrBeast — a.k.a. The alter ego of man-beaver Jimmy Donaldson — took a break from his busy schedule of serving glass-shard-infused burgers through his national chain of ghost kitchens and cosplaying as Jesus to heed a fan’s inquiry questioning the effectiveness of throwing money at problems: Could Donaldson singlehandedly solve the banking crisis (that is *definitely* not a crisis, per Rep. Jeff Jackson’s TikTok page).
I’ll consider it
— MrBeast (@MrBeast) March 13, 2023
“Hey @MrBeast can you bail out the banks?” asked @happeningsllc in the wake of SVB, Signature Bank and Credit Suisse’s respective collapses.
Donaldson, humble as ever, played coy — probably pondering whether salvaging the economy would garner as many clicks and views as crying poor people in his Youtube thumbnails.
BREAKING CREDIT SUISSE REJECTS OFFER FROM MR BEAST
— Tim Dillon (@TimJDillon) March 19, 2023
“I’ll consider it,” he curtly replied, a response that garnered nearly 8,000 likes … and a chorus of well-warranted “bruh”-s.
IN A NEW STUDY, ECONOMISTS FOUND 186 BANKS THAT MAY BE PRONE TO SIMILAR RISKS AS SVB - WSJ CITING ECONOMISTS.
— Breaking Market News (@financialjuice) March 17, 2023
Despite Donaldson’s vague intentions, yet another factor may emerge a roadblock in his wannabe-Batman capitalist pursuits — swaying the respective Silicon Valley/Wall Street overlords into voluntarily being exploited for clicks. After all, not everyone can be this homeless guy.
Forbes Has an Epically, Insanely Bad Knack for Picking White-Collar Scammers For Their Cover Stories
Last month, the financial news giant released their annual list of America’s Best Banks, a ranking that predominantly featured the now-defunct SVB Financial Group’s Silicon Valley Bank *and* Signature Bank.
Published 2 years ago in Funny
Move over, Elizabeth Holmes, Sam Bankman-Fried and Adam Neumann: After years of inadvertently boasting some of the tech world’s greatest a-holes on their cover right before their respective downfalls, the Forbes curse has struck again, this time, hitting the financial news giant right in the (possibly) impending banking crisis.
Last month, the financial news giant released their annual list of America’s Best Banks, a ranking that predominantly featured the now-defunct SVB Financial Group’s Silicon Valley Bank *and* Signature Bank.
Great work, Forbes!
Respectively placing 20th and 74th on the 100-bank ranking, SVB’s social media overlords even took to Twitter to celebrate this in hindsight, *very* poorly timed superlative.
“Proud to be on @Forbes’ annual ranking of America’s Best Banks for the 5th straight year and to have also been named to the publication’s inaugural Financial All-Stars list,” read a post shared to the bank’s since-deleted profile.
Forbes sure knows how to pick winners! Via @INArteCarloDoss pic.twitter.com/HzG72h8Cqj
— Miranda Devine (@mirandadevine) March 13, 2023
Amid the ranking’s new viral attention — one lampooned by FinMemers across the now very-red board — Forbes owned up to their error, taking care to clarify that the ranking was penned long before the phrase “Jeff Jackson’s TikTok” was even a glimmer in Wall Street’s eye.
“After this list was published on February 16, 2023, SVB Financial Group’s Silicon Valley Bank collapsed and was placed under FDIC control on March 10 due to a bank run prompted by fears about its interest rate exposure,” reads a new editor’s note appearing above the ranking.
“Regulators also closed New York-based Signature Bank on March 12,” the note concluded.
Now that we have a name for Forbes' poor choice of cover stories, the one question everyone is asking is, can you short a magazine?
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