Papa John's "Day of Reckoning" Is Finally Upon Us
Papa John has declared that he will do the impossible by eating 50 pizzas in 30 days!
By Peter Rapine
Published 5 years ago in Funny
Papa John is back in the news again and it's not because his rival pizza foes have fallen ill or died, (which two have) but because he released a video proclaiming his New Year Resolution of eating 50 pizzaz in 30 days!
Papa John is going to eat 50 pizzas in 30 days and wishes you a “heppy” New Years pic.twitter.com/S829Lt2D2M
— Gene Park (@GenePark) January 1, 2020
The Papa in an interview a few weeks ago did warn us that the "day of reckoning' would soon come. Is this what he meant? 50 pizzas in 30 days? Is this what he was trying to warn us about? Or maybe it was a threat to his pizza foes. Only time will tell as the Papa begins to embark on a journey no man has been brave enough to take before. We just hope he keeps us updated on his pizza eating.
Dude Just Wants to Keep His Airline Status, Ends Up in a Mexican Jail
By RiverboatRon
Published 5 years ago in Funny
Dear @AmericanAir,
— Andrew Kimmel (@andrewkimmel) December 31, 2019
After arriving back to LA from Indonesia, I was $275 EQDs under (yet 25K miles over) from maintaining status. You asked me to pay $1875 (?!) to keep status, so instead I booked a $400 rt ticket to Mexico for 24 hrs. Here’s how my fucking night went...
I managed to find a cheap hotel room and rented a car for $35. I went out for a nice dinner and met a family who surprised me and paid for my bill (perhaps I should eat alone more often!). I then decided to hit some bars. And this is where my 24 hour mileage run got interesting.
— Andrew Kimmel (@andrewkimmel) December 31, 2019
At the last bar of the evening, I was presented with a bill for over $300. I had two beers. The bar manager said I needed to pay or he’d call the police. I give him my credit card and it was declined due to fraud protection, which I found out today as my phone had died earlier.
— Andrew Kimmel (@andrewkimmel) December 31, 2019
The bar manager was now threatening me. He grabbed me and brought me to an ATM outside. I refused to take out cash. So he called the police, of which I welcomed. Surely the Mexican police would understand the situation
— Andrew Kimmel (@andrewkimmel) December 31, 2019
Of course the police were working with the bar manager w/ the tourist swindle, so the police handcuff me as the bar manager steals my debit card and passport. I’m put into a police car and sit up front with two officers. We actually got along quite well as I applauded their con.
— Andrew Kimmel (@andrewkimmel) December 31, 2019
The police bring me to a jail somewhere outside of Cabo. I asked if they could at least get my passport back. They laughed and said they’re locking me up for 30 minutes then letting me go. I’m placed in a cell with a guy from the UK who got into a fight.
— Andrew Kimmel (@andrewkimmel) January 1, 2020
“My fucking wife is going to kill me...” he tells me. I tell him to say someone else started a fight with him... but he knows his wife will call him out his bullshit. I’m still in good spirits at this time. Thirty minutes in a Mexican jail? Could be worse...
— Andrew Kimmel (@andrewkimmel) January 1, 2020
Three hours goes by. “Capitan? Capitan?” I shout through the bars. It’s now daytime and my cell mate tells me he’s gotta take a shit, but there’s no toilet paper. There is a blanket covering the window, so I suggest he take it off and use that. And he did.
— Andrew Kimmel (@andrewkimmel) January 1, 2020
Now cold and jetlagged from my previous day’s travel from Indonesia, I decide to rest my head on the metal tray bed. My cell mate’s wife found him and posted bail. “Ah fuck, I should just stay in here” he tells me... genuinely worried about the upcoming encounter with his wife.
— Andrew Kimmel (@andrewkimmel) January 1, 2020
I doze off. I’m awoken several hours later by an officer. “Your friend pay bail.” What the fuck? Im given my belongings and shoved outside where a woman from Kenya was waiting for me. “I heard what happened when you came in, so I figured you could use some help.”
— Andrew Kimmel (@andrewkimmel) January 1, 2020
I thank her over & over and ask what she was arrested for. “I ordered an Uber and the driver said I didn’t pay.” Fuck Cabo. So now the two of us start walking to nowhere and spot a guy chilling in his car. We ask for directions back to the marina and he instead offers us a ride.
— Andrew Kimmel (@andrewkimmel) January 1, 2020
Imagine if a Mexican & a Kenyan came up to a car in the US & asked for directions. Anyways, we get to the marina & the Kenyan offers the guy cash... he refuses. It’s now 2:00 & my flight leave at 3:26. The Kenyan joins me to the airport, but unfortunately her flight was at 8:30am
— Andrew Kimmel (@andrewkimmel) January 1, 2020
I have no fucking clue what I’m going to do. I call passport control in the States to report a stolen passport. They tell me to call the local embassy. I call and they’re closed. I ask my new friend to wait in the car at the airport as I run to the airline desk. It’s now 3:00pm.
— Andrew Kimmel (@andrewkimmel) January 1, 2020
I tell the airline agent what happened and ask if there is anything I can do to get home. I show her my Real ID (what a stupid fucking name) and a photo of my passport. She gets on the line with CBP and somehow arranges for me to jump on the last flight out without a passport.
— Andrew Kimmel (@andrewkimmel) January 1, 2020
I’m directed to the immigration desk as the airport and advised I need to purchase a new immigration form for $35. “All I have is my credit card,” I tell them. I’m then redirected to another desk that accepts credit card payments. “We’ll need your passport to process, sir.” pic.twitter.com/WsAZQSuLCV
— Andrew Kimmel (@andrewkimmel) January 1, 2020
I run back to my friend in the rental car, tell her I can make the last flight out, but I needed more money At this point, I’m losing my shit over just about everything, and she grabs my hand, tells me it’ll be ok and then kisses me I kiss back. What the fuck is happening?
— Andrew Kimmel (@andrewkimmel) January 1, 2020
My phone finally turns back on. I let my friends know I’m in Mexico without a passport and just spent the night in jail, so I might be a little late for our New Years party tonight. They expressed concern, then bask in my misfortunes. Within one minute, they whip up this gem pic.twitter.com/MuKe9zECVf
— Andrew Kimmel (@andrewkimmel) January 1, 2020
“If you don’t make your flight, you can stay with me at my Airbnb,” my jail crush tells me. Fuck. What once was “get me out of Mexico” turned into, “well this could be interesting.” But of course I couldn’t. I came to Mexico for a goddamn mileage run & I’m getting that status
— Andrew Kimmel (@andrewkimmel) January 1, 2020
So to sum it up, I was $275 short for status... was given an offer to maintain for $1875 (!?), took a $400 flight to spend 24hrs in Mexico after 20hrs travel the day before & ended up in a Mexican jail w/ no passport, a $350 bail bill, & an African crush. Happy new year everyone!
— Andrew Kimmel (@andrewkimmel) January 1, 2020
Oh, and avoid “Urban Bar” in Cabo San Lucas. They stole over $500 from me. Fuck them. Will be going after them starting in 2020. pic.twitter.com/bwDdJnaQ9l
— Andrew Kimmel (@andrewkimmel) January 1, 2020
MADE IT BACK TO LA!!! Time to change out of my two-day outfit and celebrate. Have fun out there tonight pic.twitter.com/Vtk3YGHnnc
— Andrew Kimmel (@andrewkimmel) January 1, 2020
No moral. Just sharing my experience and frustration that AA could have easily given me an offer for the $275 I needed to spend, not an outrageous and unsubstantiated price of $1875. Would’ve saved me from taking this horrible trip.
— Andrew Kimmel (@andrewkimmel) January 1, 2020
More than anything, I have questions about what kind of highflying, loosey-goosey lifestyle you lead to be able to drop hundos on an unplanned trip to remain elite status with a below par airline. Also @AmericanAir social person needs the sack for this awful response.
— Oliver McAteer (@OllieMcAteer) January 2, 2020
