Though President Joe Biden may have sent every Dark Brandon fanboy into an hour-long gooning session during last night’s State of the Union, touting the successes of the Affordable Care Act, avowing to restore abortion rights, and spinning his octogenarian status into a positive, there’s one element he forgot to mention in his 67-minute address: We’re screwed.

 

The first notable instance of nonsense happened miles away from Capitol Hill, when former President Donald Trump headed to Truth Social with not only his thoughts on Biden’s address but proof that he’s a richer version of your boomer dad, playing with years-old Snapchat filters.


As Biden spoke, Trump made like all of us in our high school days, using various filters to depict the Commander-in-Chief, and Vice President Kamala Harris, making silly faces, donning pigtails, and even a massive Pinnochio nose.



“This man used to have access to nuclear codes,” wrote @mahaaaay.


“You know he was lying on his bed kicking his feet while recording this,” added @Ismayelaltalt.


But Trump’s adoption of every 70-year-old's favorite filters wasn’t the only highlight of the evening. An image of New York representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez began circulating on Twitter, leaving constituents with one question — was that a Zyn in her pocket?



“Hold up… AOC packs Zyns? This changes everything,” wrote @DaFiretruck.


Yet not everyone was sold on whether the New York representative was all aboard the Zyn train.


“Call me ‘People's History Of The United States’ the way I'm Howard Zyn-ning,” wrote @hasanthehun while @LastBearStandng offered an alternate for what may be hiding in the Congresswoman’s power suit.


“It’s offensive to assume that AOC is using Zyn, and not packing long cut like a real American,” they speculated


But it wasn’t just the alleged contents of the lawmaker’s pants that managed to steal the show. Months after getting ousted from office in a matter once thought to be reserved for RuPaul’s Drag Race villains, George Santos, like his predecessor Princess Diana, returned ready for revenge, joining his former colleagues as President Biden addressed the nation.  



“A true stunt queen,” joked @itslinklauren, as Washington Examiner reporter Cami Mondeaux recalled another lawmaker's equally shocked response.


“One House Republican’s response to me: ‘Is he lost?’” she added.


But whether or not you agreed with President Biden’s address, the Commander-in-Chief best summed up the night in an offhanded quip to Rep. Jerry Nadler: We too, also “kinda wish sometimes [we were] cognitively impaired.”