Is there any establishment on earth more dependent on mood than a strip club?


If you’re in the right headspace, it’s a fun place to blow off a little steam and enjoy some scantily-clad bodies flaunting it (which, logic dictates, one must do if they got it). But if your vibes are off, it can suddenly become a depressing den of despair that represents everything wrong with the world.


On the bright side, the latter experience can lead to some pretty hilarious one-star reviews, like these 10 people, who were clearly in their feelings at the club.


Magic City

Location: Atlanta, GA

Disgruntled Visitor: Keegan H.

Review Highlights: “Wow! I don’t even know where to start. They wanted to charge $60 a person and the only reason we went in was because we had half off. … Now for the strippers … they are lazy and I repeat, lazy. Most of them are rolling blunts when not dancing and they barely ever get on the pole.”


Heavenly Bodies

Location: Elk Grove, IL

Disgruntled Visitor: Casey O.

Review Highlights: “I spend $600 a month here and all of a sudden there’s a no shorts rule? Yeah, kick me out and you guys just lost $600 a month for handling a situation like pinning 3 security guards on me and tossing me out? BEYOND PISSED AS A REGULAR.”



Spearmint Rhino

Location: Las Vegas, NV

Disgruntled Visitor: Glenn G.

Review Highlights: “I been a local since 1973, Few yrs. back in this over rated expensive dark club, The doormen wanted to fight me, I am a 70+ yr. old vet and I NEVER WILL EVER BACK DOWN! Most of the bouncers are cry babies! I tell it like it is!”


Body Shop

Location: San Diego, CA

Disgruntled Visitor: Dan S.

Review Highlights: “It was the first strip club I ever went to some 30+ years ago when I was a young dumb full of cum sailor. I was in San Diego for the first time in years so I stopped in just for the fun of it. Maybe it was my youthful ignorance, but it seemed much classier back in 1980 and I don’t remember the girls trying to hustle me. The waitresses were nicer than the dancers. My suggestion? Don’t waste your time or money on this place. I know a girls gotta pay her rent but damn!”


Flash Dancers

Location: New York, NY

Disgruntled Visitor: Cock B.

Review Highlights: “I nutted and they said i had to leave and didnt even leave me a towel to clean myself up with i tried to stay but they got some bum bouncer to throw me out making a big scene for no reason.”


via GIPHY



Jumbo’s Clown Room

Location: Los Angeles, CA

Disgruntled Visitor: Dave W.

Review Highlights: “Mad girls. Just mad. Bad energy. I’ve been to so many other clubs with happy girls. These women are just angry. I brought a date (a woman) who was not expected to pay for anything, obviously, we were on a date. We sat center stage. I was giving generous tips. A new dancer came on stage. Apparently I did not tip fast enough, she stopped her entire dance, sat in front of my date, sipped her drink. Yes, the dancer drank my date’s drink. And then began to antagonize my date for not giving tips. Even though I was tipping for us both.”


The Men’s Club

Location: Dallas, TX

Disgruntled Visitor: John E.

Review Highlights: “I am only giving the Men’s Club of Dallas one star because there was no option for negative stars. On Thursday night I was BANNED at the Men's Club and asked not to come back after I was dancing with a group of people who were celebrating the birthdays of two of my friends. I was the only one who was banned for dancing even though everyone else in my group was doing the same. After dancing, I went to my car to get another birthday gift for my friend who was celebrating her birthday. The person at the door told me that I could not bring it in. I thought this was highly unusual, since it was just a balloon sculpture. I had already given several antique rings to the two ladies that were celebrating their birthdays. They both told me that they loved me for being me. Now that I have been banned, I asked the nighttime arrogant managers for my $2200 lifetime membership fee back. They told me that this was not going to happen. Whatever you do, DO NOT get a membership at this club. The club is dirty. Members and non members throw their cigarette butts on the ground. The pool is often filled with floating debris and looks like someone threw confetti in the pool. There is also sometimes broken glass and kitchen eating utensils in the pools… No compensation has been given to VIP members like myself, who no longer has access to the VIP areas. $2200 is definitely too much to pay for a membership, since they can ban you for anything that they want to without recourse. Someone needs to send in the VICE SQUAD to arrest people for illegal drug usage. The DJ is sniffing coke all night long. No wonder his music sucks. Many of the dancers are smoking marijuana, too. This is not the place for fun that it once was. Please help me by boycotting this place until I get a refund of my $2200 membership fees. If you feel like dancing, don't go to the Men's Club, because dancing according to the managers is forbidden by their customers, especially VIP's like myself.”


Kit Kat Club

Location: Portland, OR

Disgruntled Visitor: Theused0321

Review Highlights: “Bouncers are assholes. Girls shove tip buckets in your face every five minutes and make you feel like shit if you don’t tip every time. Bartender was rude and clearly hates her life. The vibe of this place sucks. There are soooo many better clubs in Portland. DO NOT COME HERE.”


Club Madonna

Location: Miami, FL

Disgruntled Visitor: Raymond B.

Review Highlights: “This was the elephant graveyard for strippers. One of the ladies looked like the hormone monster from the show Big Mouth, wouldn’t let me go to the bathroom and kept bothering me.”


via GIPHY



Dream Girls Detroit

Location: Detroit, MI

Disgruntled Visitor: Donavan M.

Review Highlights: “[T]his girl gave me herpes after a room. I WOULD NOT RECOMMEND overall bad service watered down over priced drinks the dancers are ugly and can’t dance it was way better years ago. Tasha and Maya used to be my favorite to see there.”