A lot of stupid shit happens in Miami. The city has essentially become a Vegas-by-the-beach for people with cash to burn, and the city’s incredibly expensive restaurants and nightlife are a huge part of its appeal.

@infatuation_miami Just say no to The Beefcase #papisteak #thebeefcase #miamirestaurants #miaminightlife #southbeach ♬ Musik Tiktok - Dj unodhowhow

One such restaurant, Papi Steak, is offering a $1,000 steak that’s presented to customers inside a briefcase. As a result, it’s been given the name “The Beefcase.” I know, I know. I’m sorry and embarrassed too.

A critic from Infatuation Miami visited the restaurant to check out The Beefcase for themselves, and they weren’t impressed, calling it the “stupidest thing to ever happen inside a Miami restaurant.” It’s 55 ounces of purebred Australian wagyu tomahawk, and it’s brought to your table inside a suitcase before being opened by a group of men who then perform an “uncomfortably erotic steak dance” for one minute and 40 seconds.

The critic also wasn’t thrilled about the fact that the steak came with no sides, which is fair enough — for $1,000, I would want potatoes served at least three different ways and another four kinds of vegetables cooked to perfection, or at least a side salad. But the worst part is that the steak is “truly average.” Yikes.

What really sent the critic into an “existential crisis,” however, is the fact that on a busy weekend, Papi Steak will sell around 20 of these steaks. They concluded their video with a simple plea: “Just say no to The Beefcase.”

Commenters were in agreement that this ridiculous offering accurately sums up the city: “Lived in Miami my whole life. This perfectly encapsulates this city,” and “Everything in Miami is like this.” Maybe not everything, but Salt Bae’s restaurant is definitely also like this.

Unless you’re an influencer with more money than sense who wants to record the erotic Beefcase dance for your Instagram followers, there’s really no need to order it. Listen to this commenter instead: “You can buy a prime, 3 pound tomahawk from Sam’s Club for less than 40 bucks and reverse sear it on a smoker at home.”

Boom. Your Friday night plans are sorted, and you saved $960 plus tip.