10. Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

9. A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.

8. Have you ever noticed that their stuff is shit and your shit is stuff?

7. There are 400,000 words in the English language, and there are seven you can't say on television. What a ratio that is! 399,993 to 7. They must really be baaaad. They must be OUTRAGEOUS to be separated from a group that large. "All of you words over here, you seven...baaaad words." That's what they told us, right? You know the seven, don't ya? That you can't say on TV? Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker and tits.

6. The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done."

5. Weather forecast for tonight: Dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.

4. Here's a bumper sticker I'd like to see: "We are the proud parents of a child who's self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn't need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.

3. You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.

2. As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero, he no longer is.

And the TOP QUOTE:
1. Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man...living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money.