Dear Samuel Adams Brewing Co.,

I am something of a beer hobbyist. Ever since a friend of mine took me to a little beer emporium in Pittsburgh, I immediately fell in love with the complexities of beer. The taste, aroma, and feeling of a good beer are so delightfully varied that trying a new beer - be it good or bad - is always a unique adventure that must be experienced at least once, even by those who don't particularly enjoy beer. Sadly, mass-produced American beer does not exactly "measure up" to much of the Belgian, German, or English beers I've sampled in my lifetime. This is a completely subjective statement, of course, but I do feel that there is some truth in my claims as America is not exactly known across the globe for beer exports.

It is clear, however, that you are seeking to change that. Your Hefeweizen recipe is reminiscent of an authentic German Weissbier. Your Witbier recipe is also as close to a Belgian import as I've ever tasted. I feel that your brewing company is a truly fine example of American beer companies taking their beer seriously.

The purpose of this letter is not simply to praise your work in the beer industry.

Two of my childhood friends will fly from Connecticut to come visit me and my wife every year. During this time, we always make it a point to visit the beer emporium I mentioned earlier and order a bottle of the Samuel Adams Triple Bock.

Never in my life have I ever tasted something so foul. The liquid contained within that bottle is an affront to humanity itself. Kudos to the design team, though. The shape and label are pretty sweet. 

I can only wonder how you decided on producing this beer in the first place. I mean, someone somewhere in the deepest bowels of your brewery MUST have somehow come to the conclusion that either: 

a) This would be an absolutely HILARIOUS prank to play on an unsuspecting public that couldn't tell the difference between a good beer and a bag full of smashed buttholes 

b) This beer was delicious 

God knows, the general consensus would be leaning towards option A, but that's neither here nor there. The fact is, we have made this a yearly tradition for going on 4 years. So why do this? Why on EARTH could we despise this particular beer so much, yet subject ourselves to actually DRINKING this?

Before we drink, we toast to the following: 

"Here's to life, and taking the good with the bad. It's the bad times that allow us to grow stronger. Here's to taking all of it like a man, and swallowing it. For in the end, we always come out better men."

That's right. This beer is so revolting, it represents all of our lives' injustices.

This is not necessarily a bad thing, though. As mentioned before, a beer doesn't necessarily have to taste GOOD in order to be considered a positive experience. Your brewery has exceeded all expectations, and helped to create, in my opinion, another experience that I wouldn't want anybody to miss. I know for me and my friends, it has led to a wonderful tradition that will be enacted for years to come.

Hey, it was either we cleanse our souls with this, or degrease an engine. Seemed like a simple enough choice.

Thanks for all of the experiences, and I'm looking forward to many more. 

Yours, 

Matt Maiorano