Anyone notice how shitty kid's shows and movies are now? I'm sure the folks without kids don't give a pisser, but for those of us with little ones, we're doomed to spend a fair chunk of our time absorbing kid-friendly television and film. My daughter (thank goodness) isn't a real big movie fan, so I lucked out there. But the TV shows...OH THE TV SHOWS!!...they suck a mean asshole now-a-days.

Have you ever seen Yo Gabba Gabba?? What the fuck is up with that?!? It's a psychotic drug-users wet dream of a show. Crazy shit, green monsters, and a real-life DJ notorious for selling coke and hanging out with some less than reputable hollywood celebrities. ("Let's Break It Down!")

Dora the Explorer and Diego piss me off, too. Not for the same reason it pisses off most of the other people I've brought this up to with. (Fucking racisits.) No, its not because they're of Spanish descent, its the creepy awkward pauses and the inane situations they get into. Yeah, its for kids, but c'mmon! How often is my daughter going to need to go on a 23-minute quest for a bucket of singing chocolate!?

In the Night Garden, anyone? Its creepy, and if I keep writing about it I'm bound to have nightmares of Squiggle Piggle (or whatever his name is) forcing his big blue dick down my throat later tonight.

Oh, and anything Disney now sucks anus. Remember when Disney was awesome? They used to make quality shows...now its all dribble and nonesense. Give me the old favorites (Darkwing Duck, Goof Troop, Rescue Rangers, Gummi Bears, Ducktales, Tail Spin, et cetera et cetera...) to ennjoy, not the crap they peddle to the young ones now. I'm a product of the 80s and early 90s...sue me.

Now, not all kids shows are garbage. I must admit that I love the Wiggles, the Bearenstein Bears, Franklin the Turtle and that Bob the Builder. Those don't bother me as much as the others. Maybe they seem more awesome than they really are by comparison only.

I'm guessing anyone with kids is bored as shit by now. Well, welcome to my world. Between the hours of 9am and 9pm, my TV is saturated with techno-coloured bullshit and inane sound-effects annoying enough to drive a man to the brink of insanity. I used to really enjoy watching a prime-time program, or a Liverpool game on Saturday mornings. Maybe in twenty years I can enjoy it again.

So cheers to all you parents who know what I'm going on about. I'm in the same boat with ya; I know how it feels.

Cheers,

-The Big Bad