days like this i'm so fucking tired of being home 2 years and afraid  2 go out day time .. i wanna sleep nights..be awake days like normal pple is like i'ma fucking vampire wasting her life by sleeping everyday till 4 or 7 pm ;(

 I could sleep at night but every morning having hard time getting up. All I want to do was hide on the bed (I couldnt sleep and my heart pound),

 I also feel numb on my feet and hand when woke up. Also, I am very scare of going out. I feel very uneasy and aimless , even when I go out, I stroll along the street aimlessly and want to go home ASAP

. I once did; I went to ATM (Teller machine) and finish some transaction. I immediately called a taxi and go home. I know I have to conquer this.

Also, I am so afraid of the phone ring in the house as it where a bad news,

 I sent out a lots of email to employment agency and now they called back.

 I would have my dad -mom or son pick up the phone and said I was on vacation

." my family never like me working..neither my ex-husband " but i think instead of helping me they are adding to my fear of interacting with pple on the daily basis ;( 

 I still feel very weak and lack of confidence. i read on the web some one said said that I am undergoing a period called "diurnal". 

The following is quote from some one who was talking about depression " 

The depression you are now experiencing is technically known as "diurnal" in plain English that just means that you start to feel better as the day goes on.

This seems to be a very common symptom. I had it myself very strongly especially when I got into the habit of sleeping in the morning and early afternoon.

 I used to start to feel more positive about everything in the evening but I always knew that the following day I would sink back down again.

i heard is called  self- protection period!.. but i tell my self  WTF I AM NOT DEPRESSED I'M NOT SAD AT ALL..i just hate going out day time and some times can't wait to get home to my bed when i go out night time.

even in clubs i have to be in a corner cuz i hate pple pushing me or talking to me too much..just couple of pics and i'm ready to run or go home..i feel relax like i can actually breath better as soon as i know i'm going home ;)