We've all seen them. They are hard to miss. I'm speaking of course about fat people and how they are taking over the world. If you are a fat ass reading this, try not to be offended as I am speaking the truth. If you are offended by the truth, well then you are also a pussy. A fat pathetic pussy. We all have fat friends or relatives, and we have all heard the excuses they give for being fat. These excuses come in a variety of forms but basically boil down to this: Fat people think they are special. Not special in a good way or in a retarded way, but special in the way that is convenient for them to be fat. For example, "I'm fat because I have a disorder that makes me eat too much. I never know when I'm full." First off, you never know when you are full because you are always eating. Second, skinny people feel hungry too. Yes, that's right. Your skinny friends make the exact same decisions everyday that you make about what to eat. You aren't unique because you have a large appetite. Next time you have McDonald's sitting in front of you, STOP. Go find a mirror, and look at yourself. I mean really look at yourself. Don't look at your hair or the food stains on your shirt, but look at your volume and try to remember a day when you were skinny. It was awesome, wasn't it? No wheezing or profuse sweating; It was confidence and a good self image. You will always be fat if you make stupid ass excuses. Another popular fatty 'cuse is something along the lines of "I'd exercise but I have a bad knee/back/ankle/shoulder. . ." Bullshit. There are a million different ways to exercise and unless you are an obese paraplegic, this excuse shouldn't prevent you from exercising. Of course it does though, its like a magic slip of paper that you can hand to everyone who questions you about your abnormally large volume. So if you are ready to stop being an eyesore, try following these steps.

    Step 1 - Don't make stupid ass excuses. When you see yourself in the mirror, don't lie to yourself about why you are fat. You are fat because you eat too much and don't get enough exercise. Simple as that. Remember, you aren't special because you are a lard ass.

    Step 2 - This is very simple. If you consume more calories a day than you burn, guess what? Your body stores them as fat. "But I have a really slow metabolism." Guess why your metabolism is so low? Because you don't do shit to burn calories. Exercise for a month and your metabolism will increase, allowing you to eat more and still burn more calories.

    Step 3 - Don't half ass it. This is your health we are talking about here. It is unhealthy to be overweight. You will not live as long as you could if you were in shape. Get a workout routine going and eat healthy. The pounds will slide right off.

If a fat person would follow these simple three steps, they wouldnt be fat for long. In fact, fat people only exist because they can't follow these steps. Its called discipline, fatties, and you don't have any. So when you are sitting on your ass munching down doritos and thinking 'Man, I wish I was in shape but my damn knee/shoulder/ankle/family/metabolism just won't allow me to be', realize that you are only making a fat person excuse. You are not special, just fat.