I really thought my asshole wife and I were going to just get a Vegas quicky divorce.  Now she's going to fight out shit with me.  She said she's already got a lawyer and is having papers prepared with terms she knows I won't agree to.

 

She probably knows now that she's going to have to pay me child support unless she gets primary custody of the kids (where I would have to give up 25% of my meager pay).  That's not going to happen.  If we get joint custody, she'd owe me about $700/month.  Hell, with houses as cheap as they are in Vegas, that's my mortgage for a decent 1,500 sq. ft. house with 3 or 4 bedrooms and two bathrooms.  I saw a 4 bedroom, two bath with a small pool for $108,000 that was built in 2004 that wasn't even a foreclosure the other day that was ten minutes from my job (instead of 50 miles).  If I get primary care, it'd be about $20,000/year she'd owe me in child support.  After pension, insurance, and yadda-yadda that's a fair percentage of my take home pay.

 

I have to say, if you're a man, and you have to get divorced, this is the state to do it in.  In Texas, having a cock and balls is a horrible liability in your divorce.  Here, both de jure and de facto, there is no difference in gender when considering terms of divorce.

 

She doesn't think she should have to pay me alimony.  But since I supported her through school and paid for it, and now she makes $40k/year more than I a year due to me being a dumbass and choosing to be a teacher, state of Nevada says she does.  How much?  Depends on the judge.  Believe it or not, I don't want to gouge her.  If I found out what a resonable figure was, I'd agree to it.  The papers she's drawing up don't include any alimony at all.

 

My daughter, ADD as hell (like dad) goes to school where I work.  It's, by far, the best middle school in Clark County.  Number two isn't even close.  She's being a lot more successful.  It was my plan to have my son go to school there too.  He's still in elementary school, so it'll be years before he goes where I work, but the elementary school is good too.  Not way better than the one he's at now, but arguably better.  She wants my son to continue going where he is now.  It's her plan for my kids to go to school 50 miles apart every day.

 

Me:  "How the fuck is that supposed to work?"

 

"Well... like it does now."

 

"Are you suggesting that I buy a new house close to you and not my job, continuing my 100 mile a day round trip?  For your convenience?"

 

"....."

 

"No.  I did that because I had a wife I loved very much that I wanted to accomodate.  That's not an issue now.  Tell me why you want to continue to pay over $200/month on before and after school care for my son when I can just take him to school every day with me for free.  When you've got him, I'd meet you halfway or your travel expense would be deducted from your child support.  Why is that such a deal breaker for you?"

 

"I just don't want my kids in another city."

 

"Well, first of all, it'd be a suburb or satellite of Vegas.  Second of all, the kids and I didn't want to get divorced.  Why should you be the only one who gets what they want?  I thought you were interested in what's best for the kids."

 

"......"

 

Seriously, fuck her.  The lawyer I talked to last night had his jaw hanging open when I explained this scenario to him.  He explained that he didn't know a judge in Vegas that would go for that deal. 

 

"No, that's not going to happen.  If you guys can't agree, they'll work it out for you."

 

"Do they consider the quality of the schools in the equation?"

 

"Oh, sure.  Test scores, teacher:kid ratios, acts of violence, drugs, and what would be easiest on the kids."

 

"Like not having to go to day care before and after school?"

 

"Exactly."

 

Since it's going to get litigious, I'm not going to go into the details here, but she is totally fucking insane.  She's going to make me put $3,500 minimum on retainer to a lawyer and her do the same to fight shit that's unwinnable.  She can debate how much alimony she owes, but not that I get it.  She's also asking for shit with the kids that's clearly not in their best interests.  How would it be good for anybody to have each parent have a 100 mile round trip to get the kids to and from school every morning and afternoon?  She's fucking insane.

 

"I'd suggest that, either you haven't told your lawyer the whole story or he's willing to fight over unwinnable bullshit as long as he can for $300/hour.  Have you considered talking to another lawyer to see if he tells you the same thing?  After all, I've talked to six lawyers now to get the big picture.  I've still paid less than you in consultation fees.  There's guys who'll give you a free consultation over the phone.  You consider that?"

 

"....."

 

I'm starting to think she's doing this to bankrupt me.  How can you break up your family over bullshit and then go after your husband, the guy who's going to watch your kids half the time financially because you make more than he?

 

I AM starting to fuck with her though.  I won't talk to her about anything that doesn't directly relate to care of the children or moving the divorce along.

 

We're both keeping an eye on the bank account.  I'm making sure she's not hiding money or spending our money like mad.  She's doing the same.  We've both lost a ton of weight, so our clothes don't fit.  She spent $140 on slacks a week or so ago.  When I asked her about it, she said she needed slacks that fit to go to work in and shrugged her shoulders.

 

I bought a nice semi-dress shirt and a pair of pants at Men's Warehouse the other day on sale.  She's going over the account.

 

Annoyed:  "Did you spend $70 yesterday?"

 

"Yes."

 

"On what?"

 

Now I'm wondering how we're accountable to each other now.  But what I say is:  "I got my pussy waxed."

 

"What?"

 

"I got a full Brazilian.  It's $5 cheaper than where you get it.  You should go where I go."  Besides, I think, it says on the statement where I was.  What the fuck did she think I got at Men's Warehouse?

 

I catch her in lies all the time now.

 

On Easter, we go to her mother's to have an egg hunt with the kids and their cousins.  We take two cars because she "is going to stop on the way home at the store to get food for the kids lunches at school."

 

She leaves right after the egg hunt.

 

I hang out with the kids, take them home, make them food, and play a board game with them.  A couple hours later my wife texts me:  "I'm going out to a movie with my mother.  I'll be home later."

 

"Wait.  You went to the store, brought the groceries back to your mom's, and now you're seeing a movie with her?"

 

"I didn't go to the store yet."

 

Fine, whatever.  Why did she have to lie to me about it?  It's not like I give a shit what she does at this point.  She actually does go out to the movies and did stop on the way home to get groceries, but doesn't get home until way after the kids are in bed. 

 

When I went to my "Custody and Legal Resource" support group meeting, I tell her she needs to be home by 6:00 to watch the kids. 

 

"Where are you going?"

 

Once again, I wonder how I'm suddenly accountable to her.  What I say is:  "I'm going to go to the store to get groceries for the kids lunches and then I'm going to go to the movies with my mother." 

 

My mother lives in Texas.  What's more, she wasn't home in time for me to leave.  I had my daughter look after my son until she wandered in.

 

I can't stand the woman.  I asked the lawyer last night if I should get a private investigator to document her infidelity.  He said nobody would give a shit. 

 

Seriously, fuck my life.

 

The guy I talked to last night looks like a keeper for a lawyer.  The meeting was run by a paralegal.  He and the lawyer are in this group "Equal rights for divorced dads."  Sounds right up my alley.  The best part about him is out of the five people there, he told two of them they were fucked and he wouldn't take their case.  He said he'd recommend somebody for them, but they wouldn't be able to win it either.

 

To me, he said I should try for primary custody.