Here are some holiday items that will help you have that authentic holiday experience.

Pretangled Christmas Lights

These Christmas lights are so pre-tangled that he’ll swear he’ll hang himself with them right after finally prying them apart.

Pooping Reindeer Candy Dispenser

For the holiday enthusiast who is too much of a pussy to eat real deer shit.

Gun

Keep Santa from trespassing on your property.

Christmas Tree Hat 

This hat makes such a convincing tree that when I wore it people wanted to chop me down!

Dreidel For Dogs

Tell your friends, “I’m not Jewish, but my dog is” to let them know you’re not gay but your boyfriend is.

Candy Cane Pop Rocks

Feels like an elf farting on your tongue.