Before you click, be aware, this isn't going to be another graphic sex blog (maybe a little).  We're going out tonight and doing something different.  There's a strong possibility I'll have some new material. 

Been talking to my wife a lot about where we're going in our marriage.  I'm all for the wild sex.  I don't mind adding other like minded, sexy people to the mix.  But I understand that there's risk involved with this behavior.  We're being careful do not engage in risky behavior.  We're kind of monogamous with another couple (from the sexy blog, I'll start calling them Jack and Jill).  We don't use condoms with them because they're monogamous with us, they've been tested, etc.

As scary as disease is, that's not my main worry.  As laid back and open minded as we are, there is always the risk of jealousy or catastrophic fuck-up due to lack of communication.  As cool as multiple Penthouse Forum moments every week is, I won't risk my wife for it.  I don't NEED to be Dr. Swingerguy, walking around Vegas swinger clubs, twirling my cock around like a watch on a chain.  As cool as it is to walk into Red Rooster (RR) or Deja Vu and have four women perk up and say my name like I'm Norm on Cheers, I'd give it up in a second if it was putting my marriage at risk.

(On an side note, it's interesting to me that even though my wife hasn't really done anything bisexual at RR, she gets as much attention from the women as the men.  I think there's a pool going around about which lesbian/bi-sexual woman is going to get her to go down on them first)

In a long and teary eyed discussion last night, I found out that one of the motivators of my wife's behavior was her fear of early death.  These days, most people with lupus will live a normal life span.  About 10-15% of women with lupus will have their lives dramatically shortened by it.  Lately, there have been signs that my wife might be in that 10-15%.  There's been nothing acute.  No trips to the emergency room.  No 107 degree fevers.  Nothing epic.  But there is a constant struggle with infection, opportunistic illness, chronic fatigue, insane Raynaud's, and it seems like her central nervous system is getting involved with some memory issues, impared reflexes, and headaches.

My wife is trying to suck the marrow from life before she dies young.  I'm telling her to not count herself out or make a karmic, self fulfilling prophecy.  But she might be right.  I'm also trying to reassure her that, no matter what happens, I'll stick with her.

Life is fucking hard even when it's awesome.

Edit: 

Let no one be slow to seek wisdom when he is young nor weary in the search of it when he has grown old. For no age is too early or too late for the health of the soul. And to say that the season for studying philosophy has not yet come, or that it is past and gone, is like saying that the season for happiness is not yet or that it is now no more. Therefore, both old and young alike ought to seek wisdom, the former in order that, as age comes over him, he may be young in good things because of the grace of what has been, and the latter in order that, while he is young, he may at the same time be old, because he has no fear of the things which are to come. So we must exercise ourselves in the things which bring happiness, since, if that be present, we have everything, and, if that be absent, all our actions are directed towards attaining it. Epicurus, Letter to Menoeceus