"... wait? What? How the hell could that be?" was my immediate reaction to the news Lard's doctor gave us. 

"I don't know.  Never in my 30 year career have I ever seen another case like this."
"Do you think he will carry until full term?"
"Don't know that either... we have no idea how far along he is or anything... we can't do an ultrasound because he's a little too....."
"Fat?"
"We prefer to call it obese, but yes."
"So what do we do?"
"Somehow we need to get a look at this baby. I can't make any decisions or give you any information until we get a look inside."
"Well Lard and I will do anything we can to make sure this baby is healthy, is there anything we can do right now?"
"Right now, no... we haven't got that far yet. Just sit tight, and we'll figure this out, ok?"
"Thanks doc"


I turned to Lard.   "Babe what are we going to do?"
"I don't know chicken wing, all I know is that I want to keep the baby"
"I do too.  We need to make sure it's ok"
"Am I going to have to lose weight?"
"Calm down... let's not make any irrational decisions just yet ok? "
"Wait, I have an idea..... but I don't know if you're going to like it?"
"I have to go back in, don't I?"
Humbly, he nods.


Before I knew it I was suiting up to be eaten by lard for a second time.   I was much more nervous than I was the first, but it's something I just had to do.
Nurses and doctors all gathered around... some to assist, some to spectate.
"Are you sure you want to do this Tyaeda?"
"It's ok, I've done it before... I know what I'm getting into.  I need some chocolate sauce, a colonoscopy camera, a two way radio, and some privacy."

I'll save everyone here the details... trust me, if 3 nurses quit after witnessing the endeavor, I'm sure you don't want to know.

Camera in hand, I started to move around his gigantic (and rather cozy) stomach, looking for anything that resembled what the doctors were telling me to look for.   To my pleasant surprise, all that was left of the jeans were pieces of the zipper.   I didn't have enough time or oxygen to sit around and breath in a sigh of relief, although knowing they were gone helped me gain my confidence and stay focused on my mission.  Suddenly I came across the rope and first aid kit I brought with me last time, and right next to it... there it was.  A fetus... our child.  I propped the camera on top of a broken chair that Lard sat on "too much" and pointed it at our unborn child.   Over the radio I could hear everyone applauding.   "Ty, you can come out now" the doctor said
"Just a minute... I want to look at it..... it... it's a Boy!"
I wish I could have been there to see Lard's face.
"Ty, you're running out of oxygen, you need to come out now"
"See ya again soon little guy, mommy... ugh.. daddy loves you"  

(to be continued)