SHE STOPPED THE PILL 6 WEEKS AGO.

YOUR MOTHER IN LAW WILL LIVE TO BE 103.

THE NEXT TIME YOU HAVE SEX WILL BE YOUR LAST.  NOW LOOK AT WHO'S SITTING ACROSS THE TABLE.

YOUR DAUGHTER IS NOT A VIRGIN.

YOU WILL GET WHAT YOUR HEART DESIRES.  BUT IT WILL COST YOU DEARLY.

HELP US!  WE ARE BEING HELD CAPTIVE IN A FORTUNE COOKIE FACTORY IN BEIJING!

LOSER.

IT WOULD BE WISE TO INVEST $20,000 IN PANDA RESTAURANT GROUP.

A CHILD IS IN YOUR FUTURE.  IT WILL BE ILLEGITIMATE.

SEX IS NOT YOUR STRONG POINT.

INSPECTED BY #65

THATS WASN'T CHICKEN.

BE PREPARED FOR MAJOR REJECTION.

YOUR GREAT SENSE OF HUMOR WILL EVENTUALLY GET YOU LAID.  JUST KIDDING.

DONT PANIC, BUT YOU ONLY HAVE 3 MINUTES TO LIVE.

EAT AT JOES.

THE FIRST SIGN OF A STROKE IS INABLIATY TO RAED ADN RCEGOZINE WDORS NDA SNTENCES.

THE COOK NEVER WASHES HIS HANDS.  I JUST HAD TO TELL SOMEBODY.  SORRY.

FOR A GOOD TIME CALL:

YOUR BEST MAN LIED.  THERE WAS FILM IN THE CAMERA.

THIS FORTUNE COOKIE BROUGHT TO YOU BY LARRY'S USED TIRES.

THE EGG CAME FIRST.  NOW STFU ABOUT IT!

SHE WAS 17.  HER DAD IS THE DISTRICT ATTORNEY.

YOU WILL MEET CHRIS HANSEN.

YOUR SON LIKES A BOY NAMED TRAY.

CHINESE TRANSTLATIONS.  KUNG PAO: STRAY DOG

FUCK IT, IVE GOT WRITERS BLOCK.

EAT ME.  HA HA, I ALWAYS WANTED TO SAY THAT!

I SWALLOW.

SAY IT: MY DIXIE WRECKED.

YOU SHOULD HAVE SIGNED A PRENUP.

YOU HAVE THE POTENTIAL TO ACHIEVE GREAT THINGS.  YOU JUST LACK THE SKIN COLOR.

THAT HOT CHICK AT THE BAR THAT STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN YOUR THROAT USED TO BE A GUY.

HAVE YOU ACTUALLY LOOKED AT YOUR DAUGHTERS MYSPACE PAGE?

THAT 14 YEAR OLD GIRL ON THE INTERNET IS A DETECTIVE.  WAS I TOO LATE?

YOUR IP ADDRESS IS 192.168.0.1

YOU WERE ADOPTED.

LUCKY NUMBERS: 6 6 6

ERROR 00x2697 AT LINE 321: BAD OR MISSING FILE= "FORTUNE.DLL."

DEAR SIR OR MADAM, I AM CONTACTING YOU CONCERNING MONEY FROM A DECEASED DEPOSIT IN THE BANK OF NIGERIA OF A SUM OF $47,000,000.00 TO BE TRANSFERRED INTO YOUR ACCOUNTS