It's not every day that we meet a celebrity.

I never thought I would be the kind of guy who could ever really be star-struck at all. I figured I was too cool and too level-headed for that sort of thing. However, during a vacation in the Bahamas a few years ago, I found that not only am I susceptible to the charms and glamour of celebrities, but I am also a bumbling idiot.

Meet Terry Bollea. Many of you might know him as 'Hulk Hogan'.

He's famous for his role in professional wrestling, as well as his cameos in such movies as Gremlins 2, and his part as Thunderlips in Rocky III. This man is the epitome of badass. And there he was, in all of his manly glory, sitting at the hotel bar pounding back a Budweiser.

Jesus, this guy was fucking huge. I bet one of his farts could snap me in half. I was nervous as hell just seeing him there. I knew I had to talk to him. It was a once-in-a-lifetime chance to meet one of the biggest wrestling icons in history.

But damn, what the hell would I talk to him about? I'm not a fan of pro-wrestling. I watched it a few times when I was much younger, but that was about it. What should I say?

Ah fuck it. He looks like a cool guy. I'm sure he'll understand.

"Hey." I started.

He turned and looked at me. Ah fuck.

"Uh... big fan. Just wanted to meet you." I stuttered,

"Oh? Ok then. Hey."

"Uhm.... yeah, I just watched you in Rocky Three while I was duplicating it. Good stuff."

"Oh yeah? What were you doing duplicating that?"

Huh? What- oh shit. I think he thinks I was doing something illegal. I can do one of two things:

1. Tell him all about my job and bore the shit out of him.

2. Act all badass and blatantly tell him that I'm profiting off of his performance in Rocky III.

3. Run like hell.

I knew that I would get my ass kicked if I went with option #2, and #3 was looking attractive, but I felt that I had to fix this.

"Oh, haha. No no, I work for a video duplication business. It's not like, illegal or anything. Don't worry there, big guy."

Oh fuck. Did I just call him 'big guy'!?

"Shit. Uh.... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to call you 'big guy' or anything. I mean, I really respect you. I've been a fan almost my whole life."

He gave me a half-smile and turned back to his beer.

"Look, uh.... I really hope you enjoy your stay here."

"Yeah. Thanks."

"And, uh... I'm sorry if I insulted you. I wasn't trying to say anything."

"Like what?"

Fuck. This hole is just getting deeper.

"Like..... uh..... not really like anything. I mean....."

"Yes?"

"Uh..... I mean, you looked really great in Rocky. I could hardly believe that was you there."

That should fix everything.

"What're you trying to tell me, kid?"

Uh oh.

"I, uh, I..... dude, you were just so fucking badass in that movie, ok!? Sorry to bother you."

I turned my back. My face was burning up. I just pissed off one of my childhood idols.

"Hey kid, get over here!" He called.

Ohfuckohfuckohfuckohfuck. This couldn't be happening.

"Yessir?" I quietly asked.

"C'mere."

I shuffled towards him. My life was flashing in front of my eyes. Suddenly, I felt a sting in the back of my head. It took me a second to realize what happened.

Hulk Hogan just slapped me in the back of my head.

"Go on. Get the hell out of my face." He growled.

With that, he turned back to his beer. Suddenly, my mother appeared out of nowhere.

"Hi, can I just get a picture?"

"Sure thing, hon." He winked.

My little brother scampered over, and I walked away in shame. My dad snapped a picture of my mother, my little brother, and Hulk Hogan. My dad grinned and looked at me.

"How'd it feel to get slapped by the Hulk, Matt?"

"Fuck you, dad."