A dreamcatcher works, if your dream is to be gay.

Every fight is a food fight when you’re a cannibal.

I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades...or a game of fake heart attack.

Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.

I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back.

Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose.

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.

Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you've met your New Year's resolution.