I live with four roommates, two couples and me.  One of them, Jim, owns the house.  He and I have been friends a long time, which is how I came to live here.  Earlier today, it was just him and I home alone.  I had just finished watching "The Social Network" when he asked me if we could talk for a second.

"Lately everyone feels like they've been taken advantage of.  Y'know, Pete cooks a big dinner for everyone on Tuesday nights, Hannah and Christina clean, and I try to keep things tight around here too.  I don't want to tally up everything everyone has done at the end of the month and say what everyone owes, but we don't feel like you're putting in much effort."

I really don't think I need to explain how it feels to learn that your friends and/or roommates have been talking behind your back, and not to plan your surprise birthday party.  In fact, it's more like they've been planning your surprise going away party, where the part about going away would be an even bigger surprise than the party.

Anyway, after he'd said that, I was immediately abashed and apologized, and said I just hadn't realized that our contributions were so lop-sided.  I said "I make a conscious effort to make sure I always clean up after myself," to which he said  "Oh yeah, you do, but sometimes I'll leave a mess and Pete will clean it up, or he'll leave a mess, and I'll clean it up.  Y'know, just try to help out more, and say 'thank you' when others clean up."  I just nodded, apologized again, and walked upstairs to process everything that had been said.

I found myself having to talk myself down from indignity, anger and hurt feelings.  I'm not gonna do the drama queen thing and dig a hole out in the woods to sit in, or the verbal equivalent, so I decided I'd go downstairs and clean up the kitchen. 

I clean the kitchen pretty regularly, by the way.  I'll wipe down the surfaces, so I can prep on them without getting all kinds of toast crumbs, flour particles and parsley bits in whatever it is I'm making.  I'll clear away the dirty utensils and nearly empty glasses of booze and melted ice, so I don't have to work around them, and when I'm done, I clean up again.  It's a lot more sanitized than how I found it, but apparently that doesn't count.

As I'm puttering around the kitchen, putting stuff away that isn't mine and scrubbing dirty dishes that I didn't leave, I notice the nearly empty pot of kale soup I made for everyone this week in the fridge.  A couple weeks before that, it was a huge pan of shepherd's pie that everyone gobbled up.  I noticed the two boxes of butter I bought for the house on Thursday were nearly halfway gone...The Neapolitan ice cream I bought for Jim, after he'd requested it when I'd asked him if he needed anything at the store.  I walked over to organize the pantry and noted someone was doing laundry, using the Arm and Hammer detergent and Snuggles dryer sheets that I bought for all to use...and I'm pretty sure everyone's been wiping their ass with the 24-pack of toilet paper I bought after using the toilet I scrubbed last weekend.

"Everyone feels like they're being taken advantage of," and "Just say thank you,"   those are the lines that kill me.  I guess saying "You're the man, Pete," or "The place looks really nice, Hannah" don't count as thank yous...And I do say "thank you" all the time.  Pete hinted just last week that I overdo it sometimes when complimenting his cooking.  I contribute regularly as well, but I don't say "Hey everyone, I cleared the counters...And look at the olive oil I bought for all of us!" like an asshole. 

Maybe I could be more thorough when tidying up, because I don't consider tucking away people's mail in a drawer where they can't find it "cleaning", like some people in this place do.  I also admit I probably don't clean up after others as frequently as Jim does, but that's a personal preference based on the fact that I wouldn't want someone to clean up after me.  I'd take "Hey slob, take care of your mess!" any day over not being able to find something important that I set down because of an anal roommate, who is saving all such instances up in their self-martyrdom journal.  That never happens though, because I never just leave stuff lying around.

My roommates probably won't ever hear these gripes that I have.  I'm all about doing the mature thing and turning the other cheek.  I'll make sure I clean up after everyone a little more regularly now, and do it when everyone is home, rather than waiting until everyone leaves, just because it's easier.  It just makes me look forward to the day when I can afford to live alone.