Below, Milesstyles posed the question, "have you ever sharted?"  Although I haven't, it made me relive my own accidental pooping experience.

I had food poisoning when I lived alone in my twenties. I was too stupid to call for help and go to the hospital, so I just toughed it out. After I was done vomitting out my stomach lining, I thought I could go to bed. Still intensely sick, I put a trash can next to the bed on top of a towel in case I had to vomit while trying to sleep.

After sleeping for a few hours, I woke up for another string of vomitting. My body contracted so violently when I puked that I sprayed a ton of toxic stew out of my ass into my bed. I understand that this isn't the same as crapping your pants, but it's in the same zip code.  What's worse is I couldn't stop puking.  I had to lay in a pool of food poisoning shit while I was clearing out my stomach.  The smell of salmonilla shit doesn't help stop your puking either.  I thought I might be able to get out of my shit filled bed and kind of squat over the trash can, but I was afraid that I'd get the shit on the floor.

When I was mostly done puking, I wiped my ass as well as I could on my sheets, wrapped them up into a ball with the shit on the inside, and threw them out onto my back porch. I lay in the shower and vomitted some more.  In between puking bouts, I'd try to soap myself off and get deshittified.  I ended up falling asleep by the toilet wrapped in towels.

If I ever get salmonilla again, I'm just going to kill myself and get it over with.