1. The asshole cares about one thing more than anyother; the asshole.Life is cruel and unfair. An asshole must learn that eventually he will be disappointed by others. Its just human nature; in fact youre probably guilty of the same crime. Its because of this the asshole must think of themselves first. You should always be the most important person in any situation. With every opportunity, and every decision; you should always ask What's in it for me?" There are exceptions to this rule. More on that later.


2. Who is always right? The asshole is always right.The asshole knows "I am always right." Every time; while everyone else just thinks they are right. We will prove our point no matter the cost. Even when all the information provided proves us wrong, in our mind we are still 100% correct. Surrender from the other side is the only acceptable outcome.


3. Dont apologize.Sorry isnt in our vocabulary. Now there are exceptions to every rule; all of us have used it on appropriate occasion. Like if you accidentally bump into someone or when you are discovered to be sleeping with both of your buddys sisters. At the same time, even in these rare events the asshole doesnt mean he is regretful per se. There is nothing to be sorry about if youre never wrong.


4. Never take No for an answer. While we are never sorry; nor are we ever going to accept no for an answer. No doesnt exist to the asshole. Its just yes: Yes to my wishes. Yes to my place for drinks after dinner; if we do hear the word no? We turn into a yes. (The exception: When a particular no really does mean no. This shouldnt need any further explanation.)


5. Always be in control.Always in complete and total control in all situations; cool, calm, and composed from the board room, the bar room, to the bedroom. Take control and dont look for any help unless absolutely necessary.