THINGS I OWN:

   A disproportionately large, thick penis.
   Many different pencils, pens, and pads of writing paper, all emblazoned with various local Sports Teams, both Pro and Collegiate.
   The right to free speech, and the inherent intelligence necessary to not abuse that right.
   All Trolls at EBW.
   A miniature football that does what I tell it to do, most of the time. It's like a hypoallergenic Puppy that never shits on the rug.
   A mediocre car. But it does the job.
   A couple of amazing guitars, and very nice amps, and an endorsement deal for one of those amps.
   Many, many paperclips. But not the old-fashioned kind. I'm cutting edge, bitches.
   Oprah Winfrey. Because really, we ALL own Oprah, don't we?
   Half a bottle of generic aspirin.
   Catholicism, and all of it's sins.
   Satan.
 
   THINGS I WISH I OWNED:

   Rins' groinal area, including vagina and anus. Meh, who am I kidding- Just Rins' vagina and anus.
   Apple stock purchased in 1987.
   Claptons old, psychedelic SG, with the crazy paint job, from Cream. I do know where it is, and I have touched it. Now it needs to be mine.
   An original 427 Cobra, black.
   A small piece of Steve Jobs' estate.
   Monopoly money that I could print and spend as I wished.
   Ebaumsworld. You should ALL be thankful I don't own this place.
   Power over music. I would kill kill Rap and Hip Hop instantly, then laugh as I watched all the 'people' who used to 'perform' in those 'art forms' slowly wither and starve to death.
   Basketball. All of it, so I could destroy it. The most worthless 'sport' of all time.
   A huge smelter, so I could make huge blocks of various types of metal, and throw the bodies of the people I don't like into those blocks, and subsequently throw those blocks into the ocean.

     You're Welcome!~