I'm in the house, alone.  My wife and mother-in-law are taking my kids out to see the fucking rabbit movie and to eat.

My kids have been my anchor.  This is the first night since "shit got real" in this process I've been without at least my daughter.

I was warned by somebody I've been talking to that I'd be sliding up and down those emotional stages to acceptance.  Without my kids to prop me up, I'm right back down into the "Depression" phase.

I can't just sit here and ruminate.  It's not fucking healthy.  I can't work up the gumption to actually get up and fucking do anything.  I'm not in a party mood.  I don't even watch television or movies now.  I just stare at the screen and think about shit. 

I thought about going to play poker.  I stopped doing that back in December to "concentrate on my marriage and kids."  That hasn't really panned out.  I'm so distracted, I'm thinking I'd just be a money donor at the table.  Perhaps a cheap buy-in tourny.  There's a chance that I could slip back into poker-mode of total concentration and mental math algorithms.  Maybe a $50 buy in?  That's not too much to blow.  I'll bet my wife spends more than that tomorrow.

She picked up some of her uber-sexy dancing dresses when she got the kids.  It's no fair that the initiator gets to look at this process as positive steps to get what they want and the kids and I have to perceive it as the end of the world as we know it.

Yeah, pretty fucking bummed right now.