So,

I'm sure there's plenty of self proclaimed "Music Aficionado's" on this website who are going to have some manner of problem with the things I'm about to say...but self-proclaimed comes with the ever present chance that you don't know what the fuck your talking about.  So shut up and listen.

Modest Mouse sucks.  Their music in noise; poorly timed and confusing noise.  Let's do the play by play, come along with me.

1.  Vocals/Lyrics - The lead singer of this band, whatever his name is, must have some sort of neurological disorder.  He sounds like a drunk who forgot half the lyrics to a song and is still attempting to bumble through it, and every couple of moments someone shocks him with a cattle prod causing some kind of half scream half yell mess to come out of his mouth.  I direct your attention to the song "float on".  

Additionally, I have no idea what the fuck this moron is talking about 98.6% of the time. I catch the occasional English phrase, and random words like "Jamaican" and "Loner" every couple of seconds, but other than that, it's pretty much just a mess of poor tonality and lack of pronunciation.  He doesn't so much sing the lyrics as vomit the words into the microphone.

2.  General Melody -- OK, first things first.  If I wanted to hear a cacophony of bad musicians all attempting to play a song, I would have agreed to go to my little sisters middle school band concerts.  Unfortunately for her, and for Modest Mouse, I value my sanity. Also, I respect people's choices and taste, and I wouldn't want to have to interrupt the show when I ripped my chair out of the ground and used it to beat the conductor to death.  God those shows are terrible, bless her little heart.

I mean come on, you can't just throw 5 guys together on stage, load them up with drugs and booze and say "ok readyyyy......magic time" and expect to get anything other than, well, modest fucking mouse!  That whole booze and drugs thing only worked for metal bands in the 80's cause 1. they were bad ass and fucked so many girls it didn't even matter if the songs were good, and 2. the lifestyle back than was more important than the music half the time.  I direct your attention to the song "seventeen" by winger.

3.  Band Name -- This is definitely a name thats a result of 5 guys sitting around for wayyyyy too long TRYING to come up with a band name.  You can't come up with a band name, it just has to flow, it needs to be organic.  These guys sat down and said one of two things to each other.

1.  They said "ok, our music is fucking weird and is not gonna really be that catchy, so we need to come up with a name that SEEMS deep and progressive, but really doesn't mean anything.  This way, when people try and shit on our music, the fools who listen to our songs will be able to concoct some sort of backwards ass defense of how the lyrics and musicality of our band is so deep, and how you can tell that because of our name".

2.  They sat around for like 9 hours trying to come up with a name, and finally around hour 8 and 45 minutes, someone who wasn't even being serious goes "modest mouse mannnnn" and they'd been snowballing ideas for so long at that point that they didn't realize how fucking dumb of a name it was.

Fuck you modest mouse.  Fuck you right in your stupid asses.  It's bands like you that go and get popular and make people think that shitty music is good and that its ok to be fucking weird and grow a stand-alone mustache when you look like a child molester with a stand-alone mustache.  You can't just go around being a fucking weirdo herb and making bullshit music and justifying that retarded lifestyle.  This is America god damn it. We just don't tolerate that shit!

I hate this band.  If anyone would like to defend this band, or help me berate this band, feel free to do so in the comments section.

MM sucks dick.

-Mega