She called me early in the morning.  Way too early for how I felt.  I knew it was going to be bad.  I almost didn't answer.  The calls would keep coming though.  So I answered.  She said, "How are you?"  I was shocked.  How come she wasn't yelling and swearing at me?  This was different.  I lied, "I'm OK.  How are you?"  She asked, "Do you remember what you said to me last night?"  I lied again, "Uh-huh...why?"  She repiled, "Do you still mean it?"  Oh shit.  This was a total flip of the coin here.  I had no idea what I said.  It could have been good, but more than likely it was not. 

  The adrenaline of being a black out drunk began to pump through my veins.  Hoping for a miracle I said, "Well, most of it."  She paused and said, "Fair enough.  This means it's over though.  Don't try and text me or call me in a few weeks.  It's going to be hard enough with out that shit."  My brain raced.  I said, "Wait.  We can talk about it."  She cried, "No we can't.  This is too fucking hard.  I never know who I'm getting..you or the goddamn bottle.  It's over.  I love you, but it's over."  I didn't know what to say.  I had no clue what I had said or done, but it didn't matter.  What I do remember was enough to justify her leaving long ago.  I didn't have enough feeling left in my body to even apologize.  I just said "Goodbye." 

   It really baffles me to love someone that much and to chase them away because of something I couldn't quit...