Monica Lewinsky virus: Sucks all the memory out of your computer.
Mike Tyson virus: Quits after one byte.

Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB.

Britney Spears virus: Your two 3.5 inch floppies turn into 36D floppies.

Lorena Bobbit virus: Turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy.

Dr. Jack Kevorkian virus: Searches your hard drive for old files and deletes them.

Ellen Degeneres virus (AKA the Rosie virus): Your IBM suddenly claims it's a MAC.

Titanic virus: Makes your computer go down.

Disney virus: Everything in the computer goes Goofy.

Prozac virus: Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn't care.

Sharon Stone virus: Makes a huge initial impact, then you forget it's there.

Tim Allen virus: Appears helpful, only to destroy your hard drive upon contact.

HBO virus: Runs the same programs over and over, week after week after week.

Woody Allen virus: Bypasses the motherboard and turns on a daughter card.

NFL Blackout virus: Will only let you run progams on a remote terminal that's more than 75 miles away.

Linda Tripp virus: Makes copies of your personal files and forwards them to the authorities.

Bill Clinton virus: Your computer displays only porn and emits cigar smoke.

Al Gore virus: Runs quietly in background mode but doesn't appear to really do much of anything.

Dick Vitale virus: Makes your computer very loud and obnoxious, detracting from the program you're actually trying to view.

Tonya Harding virus: Turns your .BAT files into lethal weapons.

Joey Buttafuoco virus: Only attacks minor files.

Jerry Seinfeld virus: Program about nothing that exits when you're really enjoying it.

Pee Wee Herman virus: Exposes your confidential files to everyone.

AT&T virus: Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.