OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS:
Your 1.3gb hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80mb and then slowly expands back to 1.3gb.

AT&T VIRUS:
Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

MCI VIRUS:
Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS:
Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back...

DAN QUAYLE VIRUS:
Prevents your system from spawning any child process without joining into a binary network.

TERRY RANDLE VIRUS:
Prints "oh no you don't" whenever you choose "Abort".

CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS:
Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.

EMELDA MARCOS VIRUS:
Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up, then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all on expensive shoes it purchases through Prodigy.

GEORGE BUSH VIRUS:
It starts by boldly stating "Read my docs...No new file

DENVER BRONCOS VIRUS:
Makes your P133 machine perform like a 286/AT

L.A.P.D. VIRUS:
It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in "self-defense".