How does Helen Keller drive?
One hand on the wheel and one hand on the road!


What was Helen Keller's favorite color?
Corduroy



How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They moved the furniture.



How did Helen Keller's parents _really_ punish her?
Hung bowling balls from the ceiling.



How did Helen Keller's parents really really punish her?
They left the plunger in the toilet.



How did Helen Keller meet her husband?
On a blind date.



Why was Helen Keller's face pock-marked?
Her parents made her eat with a fork.



Why was Helen Keller's leg yellow?
Her dog was blind too.



What did Helen Keller do when she fell in a well?
She screamed her fingers off.



Why was Helen Keller's hand so bloody?
She was trying to read the white stripe in the road at 55 mph.



How did Helen Keller burn her hand?
She tried to read the waffle iron.



What did Helen Keller say when she found the cheese grater?
It was the most violent book she'd ever read.



Remember the Helen Keller doll? You'd wind her up and
watch her walk into walls.



Why can't Helen Keller drive?
She's a woman.



How did Helen Keller burn her ear off?
Answering the iron!



How did she burn the other one off?
They called back!



Why does helen keller masturbate with her left hand?
so she can moan with her right hand



How did Helen Keller learn to masturbate?
Trying to read her own lips.



Why does helen keller wear tight jeans?
So people can read her lips



What do you call Stevie Wonder and Hellen Keller playing tennis?
Eternal love.



How can you tell if Helen Keller has brushed her teeth?
By the Gleam in her eye.



Why does Helen Keller play the piano with only one hand?
She uses the other to sing with.



What was the worst day in Hellen Keller's life?
The day she burned her mouth, and couldn't taste anything, either.



How did Helen Keller drive a car?
With one hand on the wheel, and one hand on the road.



What is Helen Keller's favorite mouthwash?
Jergen's lotion.



What did Helen Keller scream when she fell off the mountain?
Nothing, she was wearing mittens.



What did Helen Keller name her dog?
Nymphdrumpherlmf.



How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
By walking on her Braille books with golf shoes.



Helen Keller walks into a bar... and then a table, and then a chair.



How did Helen Keller's mother punish her?
She left the plunger in the toilet.



Why did Helen Keller only masturbate with one hand?
So she could moan with the other.



Why was Helen Keller's leg always yellow?
Because her dog was blind too.