My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping the channels..

She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust!'

And then the fight started...

=========================================================

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 100 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started...

=========================================================

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive...

So, I took her to a gas station....

And then the fight started....


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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for the aged pension.

The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.

I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'don't bother. Just unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me'
and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'you should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

And then the fight started...

=======================================================

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion,
and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

=======================================================

I rear-ended a car the other day. We pulled over and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get so stressed and little things just seem funny?

Well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!'

So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, …. which one are you?'

And then the fight started...

========================================================

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me
that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to
take care of first, the truck, the car, playing golf - always something
more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.

I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I
came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, 'When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.'

And then the fight started...

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

=======================================================

My wife was hinting that I never take her anywhere anymore.

I said; but you always find your way back home.

And then the fight started...
=======================================================