What is the only thing worse then a chauvinistic pig?

A woman who won't do what she's told.

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing you've already told her twice.

How many Women's Rights Activists does it take to change a light bulb?

It doesn't matter how many you have, Women's Rights Activists can't change anything.

How do you stop a sorority girl from fucking?

Marry her.

Why don't women need watches?

There's a clock on the stove.

How many men does it take to open a beer?

None, it should be open when she brings it to you.

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?

Because she was a woman.

What do you do when your dish washer stops working?

Hit her.

What do you call a woman with two brain cells?

Pregnant

What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

About 50 pounds

If your dog is howling at the back door and your wife at the front, who do you let in first?

The dog, at least he'll shut up when you let him in.