Last week my wife and I went car shopping, and the salesman asked if I wanted a car with an Air-bag.

I said, "No thanks. I already have a mother-in-law."

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I never forget a face, But in my mother-in-laws' case I'm willing to make an exception.

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She: This wine is described as full bodied and imposing with a nutty base, a sharp bite, and a bitter aftertaste.

He: Are you describing the wine or your mother?

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Bert took his Saint Bernard to the vet.

"Doctor," he said sadly, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to cut off my dog's tail."

The vet stepped back, "Bert, why should I do such a terrible thing?"

"Because my mother-in-law's arriving tomorrow, and I don't want anything to make her think she's welcome."