The Bob Dole Virus - Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy

The Lewinsky Virus - Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then e-mails everyone about what it did

The Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus - Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back

The Mike Tyson Virus - Quits after two bytes

The Oprah Winfrey Virus - Your 200 GB hard drive shrinks to 100 GB, then slowly expands to re-stabilize around 350 GB

The Ellen Degeneres Virus - Disks can no longer be inserted

The Prozac Virus - Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care

The Michael Jackson Virus - Only attacks minor files

The Lorena Bobbitt Virus - Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy ... then discards it through Windows