While she was flying down the road yesterday (10 mph over the limit), a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side waiting.
The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk, asked, "What's your hurry?" To which she replied, "I'm late for work." "Oh yeah," said the cop, "What do you do?" "I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.
The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?" "Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch, until it's about 6 feet wide."
"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" he asked. "You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge."