Two campers are in the woods when one is bitten on the butt by a snake. “I’ll go into town for a doctor,” the other says.

He runs 10 miles to a small town and finds the only doctor for miles helping a woman deliver a baby. “I can’t leave,” the doctor says. “But here's what you do. Take a knife, cut a huge X where the bite is, suck out the poison, and spit it on the ground.”

The guy runs back to his friend, who is in agonizing pain. “What did the doctor say?” the victim asks. The friend said, “He says you’re going to die.”