The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.
Women's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, Ill.

Beauty is only a light switch away.
Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, N.C.

I've decided that to raise my grades, I must lower my standards.
Houghton Library, Harvard University, Cambridge, Mass.

If Bush were captain of the Titanic, he'd say we were stopping for ice.
Smoky Joe's, Philadelphia, Penna.

Remember, it's not "How high are you?" it's "Hi, how are you?".
Rest stop off Route 81, W. Va.

God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust?
The Irish Times, Washington, D.C.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
The Bayou, Baton Rouge, La.

No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her shit.
Men's restroom, Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, N.C.

To do is to be. (Descartes) To be is to do. (Voltaire) Do be do be do. (Frank Sinatra)
Men's restroom, Greasew