10 Signature Dance Moves Of Guys Who Don't Know How To Dance
ZeroGrip
Published
01/07/2015
I hate to call out my fellow terrible dancers, but enough is enough. We have to be stopped. It's for our own good. These probably aren't the actual names of the dances, but they probably should be.
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1.
The Awkward Shadow: this move the guy will find a girl and instead of dancing with her, he just kind of awkwardly bobs up and down in her vicinity. His knees will buckle in and out and he'll have no idea what to do with his arms. In his mind, he is absolutely killin it. -
2.
The "I have a butt lol" Move: When it's clear that you don't have any actual dance skills you have to hope you can replace talent with amusement. What better way to do that than by shaking your rear end? Every guy that has no idea how to dance keeps a butt wiggle in his back pocket just in case things aren't going well. Spoiler alert: Things never go well. -
3.
The Glass Joe: Remember Glass Joe on Mike Tyson's Punch Out? He looked like a boxer, but most of his moves looked like there was something wrong with him. The same concept applies to this dance move, which involves lots of elbows and sort of looks like you're desperately trying to run through a herd of cattle. -
4.
Uncle Swag: This one may be the worst of all because the guy doing it thinks he's absolutely crushing it. Little does he know he looks like one of the hobbits celebrating the return of Sam and Frodo to The Shire. There's a lot of slapping for some reason. It looks sort of like he's doing an elaborate secret handshake with himself. This is the signature moves of middle aged uncles who still wear novelty boxer shorts. -
5.
The Curious Turtle: No part of your body is really moving at all, except for your neck. It can come in two variations the first one is this serpent-like maneuver where your head bounces back and forth like your shoulders are playing Pong with your skull. The other form is just a very intense nod with accompanied by a look on your face like you just smelled soured milk, but kind of liked it. -
6.
The IKEA Bookshelf: Have you ever put together an IKEA bookshelf? The only way you have a chance in assembling it correctly is following every instruction step by step. The same philosophy is applied to this dance move which was learned by watching an instructional YouTube video. You can almost hear him counting out each step of the dance. Technically he's hitting all the moves, but there is nothing but sorrow and sadness behind each groove. -
7.
The Constant Reacher: When all else fails guys who can't dance will just do whatever they can to keep their hands above their head. It doesn't matter if it's clapping, bouncing one hand up and down, or holding a phone and taking pictures. Somehow even the most simple dance moves look ridiculous when you have no rhythm -
8.
The Zest Fully Clean: Remember those Zest commercials in the 80s where people would dry themselves off with a towel way too excitedly after using Zest soap? This dance looks like you're miming out one of those commercials. You pull your arms back and forth at your side like you're drying yourself off with an invisible towel. Don't forget to dip it down a little so you can dry your butt and legs too! -
9.
Rubber Limbs: Sometimes you just have to let the music take over even though you have no idea where it's going. Every limb of your body seems to have its own agenda and have decided to work against each other. This is the signature move of dads who have had a few too many drinks, but are on vacation so screw it. -
10.
Rubber Limbs EXTREME: This is the point of no return. You've drawn a line in your life. On one side is how everyone looked at you before seeing this dance and on the other is how everyone will look at you until the day you die. I want to apologize to your friends and family on your behalf. I am truly sorry.
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