Today, i walked through my college campus wearing nothing but overalls cut off mid shin and a mario hat in the rain. I went out to a Halloween party as Mario, ended up at a friends house throwing up in his sink. Woke up with no idea where the rest of my clothes went but knew I had to get to my dorm, a mile away, to get dressed for class. Unfortunately, I made this walk in between classes so plenty of students saw a defeated mario.

In college, woke up the next day after a party across campus. Walked back to my house. Voting was a thing that day, lots of students out encouraging to vote. I walked into a campus building, interacted with lots of people, voted and left. Got home to realize a big dick drawn in sharpie on my forehead. Was wondering why people were looking at me funny.

Sitting on the curb looking a hot mess waiting for my uber when the guy I just hooked up with strolled by with his friend to go play an early game of tennis

Getting the bus back home on a Sunday morning wearing a tiny skirt and a corset top, having lost my nice large coat sometime during the evening. Girl I'd hooked up with didn't even offer me a jumper to wear. And obviously the bus was full of judgey old people

Woke up in dude's apartment realized I was 1 hour late for my campus gyno appointment. I walked to the campus clinic and went to appointment in last night's clothes. Nurse gave me a year's worth of birth control in a bag and said, "you need this." Said, "thanks," and then I walked back to my apartment with my loot.

I was at a party where everyone dressed up as old people. I had a white wig and everything. At one point I traded my pants for bathrobe because why not. At the after-party someone had popped a big moving-box worth of popcorn. Because of that I'm never sensible enough to to stop partying I was the last one to go to bed at that party I slept in the box of popcorn. It looked a little weird the next day on the bus ride home when a guy without pants dressed as a an old man with popcorn everywhere was trying to survive a hangover. I think it looked like I was a confused old man that had escaped from the old folks home.

Well there was that one time I dressed as Catwoman for halloween, which was a friday, slept at a friend's, then had to walk of shame back to my dorm on a football saturday. I went to a Big 10 school, so there were a LOT of people out and about.

A couple Halloweens ago, I went out with a lovely lady to a party. I went as Agent Venom from Spider-Man. We hooked up and she let me crash at her place, which actually was not supposed to happen, so morning rolls around and I realize that I have no change of clothes. Fuck. So, I basically say "screw it" put my costume back on (sans the mask) and walk to my car. On the way to my car, I see a dude around my age in a Spider-Man outfit walking towards me. He starts to say something and I just say "can it, Parker! I'm busy!" and we laughed, but I kept walking to my car. Got in, and drove home. The end.

After a night of drinking at the bar, one of my friends decided that she was gonna make everyone perogies. I was upstairs and had no idea she was cooking until I heard a scream. I ran downstairs and there she was, with a wok on the stove and flames rising from it steadily, licking the ceiling. I yelled for another buddy to open the Juliette balcony we had next to the kitchen. I grabbed the flaming oily mess by the pan handle, trying not to spill the flaming oils as I carried it to the balcony and tossed that fucker right out onto the paved alleyway bellow. I burnt my hand doing so. A few burn marks were formed around our kitchen. Our house had come very close to being a fire scene because of drunken perogies. Anyway the next morning she want out and collected this misshapen, now-destroyed wok from the alleyway. I always refer to this as her wok of sham

This happened pre walk of shame So one time my friend John and I drove a couple hours to Boston for an old friends birthday party that we hadn't seen in awhile. It starts as a house party and after that sort of dies down we decided to go hit some bars. I hit it off with a girl, so we broke off from the group and stayed the night at her place. Next morning I wake up, get dressed, and head out into the kitchen. I almost shit a fuckin brick because who is sitting at the table? Fuckin John. We, completely unknown to each other, went home with girls who happened to be roommates.

Met a girl on Halloween and her group of friends, she invited me back, we had like five more drinks and she was too drunk to function. Took her home, took care of her while she puked, and we woke up together and cuddled. She thanked me and invited me to stay the day with her. I did, and stayed the night again, and then on November 2nd I had to walk home as a Ninja Turtle through the financial district of our city