Sucking a chicks nipple in the dark. She was loving it. All of a sudden there is liquid.. Lactating.. sick. So keep going, she seems to be loving it. Lights come on, dun dun dunnn, I had been sucking the pus out of a boil.

Having sex with my wife, and then noticing that something didn't feel quite right, she still had a tampon in from 4 days prior...and i had to help pull it out....

We were messing around in the car waiting for the class to start where I had to write my midterm exam. So to relieve some pressure I suggested a quick one. She agreed. We were in the school parking lot and right when I finished and was about to pull the condom (my gf was in the front seat already) our prof parks right next to us. I was terrified to say the least. He said gestured if I was coming to class and said I rolled my window down with my hand on my crotch and said yes. He said, "Do you mind helping me with these papers?", with the best poker face ever! I had no other choice but to say yes. So I pulled my pants up and walked with him with the semen filled condom still on my penis. I was in the class for one hour and 45 mins and had to write the test with the condom on my dick. Every time I moved I died a little inside.

used to work with a guy who came into work with a doctor note saying he had a "spontaneous testicular hemorrhage", his ball exploded while finishing... We never bugged him to much about it cause we all felt bad... true story, i believe

Freshman year of college, I met this guy and brought him back to my dorm (I'm also a guy). He seemed nice and everything, and he was cute, and we started to screw around. Eventually he decided he wanted to bottom (i.e. get screwed), and so we started having intercourse... I started to smell the distinct smell of fecal matter very soon. I thought "whatever, I guess you should expect a little smell when having anal sex." I continued, and the smell continued to get worse. Eventually, we finish, and I pull out - only to see a stream of poo spew out of his butt. It was everywhere. I mean, totally everywhere. It was explosive diarrhea-type poo, on my bed, on me, on the wall even. ... and then my roomate walked in. I found out later that the dude had a severe bowel problem of some kind, and really shouldn't have bottomed. My ex-roomate is still a friend of mine, and I still have to assure him that that's not what gay sex generally looks like.

I split my 'banjo string' if you know what I mean. Blood EVERYWHERE.

Sixty-Nine. She came. She farted. My hair blew in it's fetid breeze.

Three words. Anal sex. Pinworms.

Sadly enough, I have heard a similar story from my friend about one of his friends- except the guy had never gone down on a girl before and didn't know what to expect. He thought the white lumps were what 'eating out' meant, and bit off a few of them and ate them, even though they tasted really bad. Later when my friend and his buddies told him, he threw up pretty heartily.

Last summer my husband and I were living with roommates who had a cat. We were drinking and started getting hot and heavy, he stripped down and jumped on the bed, said something about it being wet and jumped back up. One of us had left our bedroom door cracked and the cat had gotten stuck in the room, and pooped all over our bed. Worse is that apparently this cat was sick with worms. My poor husband was covered in kitty diarrhea, blood and worms.

So this one time I'm having sex with my girlfriend right, and it was all good and sexy so we finish up and everything seems cool. Then about 9 months later a freaking little human being comes out of her twat! I mean just like pops out and I saw that shit with my own eyes!

Nothing tops the Jolly Rancher story. Steve and his girlfriend Samantha went off to college in August. She went to Florida State, he went to Penn. So, she decides to fly to PA to visit him. He was really happy to see her so he decided to give her some oral action. He had done this numerous times before and he always enjoyed doing it...but for some reason, this time, she smelled really horrible, and she tasted even worse. He didn't want to offend her though because he hadn't seen her in months...so he put a Jolly Rancher in his mouth to cover it up, even though it didn't do much to help. In the course of eating her out, he accidentally pushed the candy inside of her... and stuck a finger in to grab it out. He took it out, and put it back into his mouth and bit it. Only...it wasn't the Jolly Rancher. It was a nodule of gonorrhea. As in, the blister-like structure that gonorrhea makes filled with diseased pus was the size of a fucking Jolly Rancher and the poor guy BIT it. I guess it was really dark in the room. He freaked out and started vomiting all over the place when it exploded in his mouth... He demanded to know what was going on, turns out she had cheated on him at a club like, the first week of college, and screwed some random guy and the stupid hoe had no clue what was wrong with her. She noticed a strange smell though. So now, Steve is freaking out that he now has gonorrhea of the mouth and God knows what else.