Cats are weird, OK, but this... I get up before my husband, and our cat sleepily follows me to the bathroom, where his toilet is. Here we sit together, and then I realize he’s simulating! He’s just pretending to do his business! Probably repeating after me. Why in the world would he? Only he knows.

My cat always hides her kittens very well. But if I’m not in a hurry to give her food, she brings them to me one by one and sits looking me in the eye, as if saying, "I’m a mother, and you don’t give me food! Shame on you!"

We have a separate bath and toilet, but there’s a hole in the wall between them, under the bath. Not long ago, we took in a kitten, and he developed this habit of wriggling through that hole and into the toilet! He’s still afraid of water in the sink or the bath, but the toilet is his favorite place. Now he’s grown up and doesn’t fit in the hole anymore. So he goes to the kitchen, kicks over his water bowl, and plunges right into the spill.

I hate my parrot. When I’m in another room, he mimics my phone’s ringtone. I run to pick up, and there’s nothing. But if I just ignore it, there are dozens of missed calls! Changing the ringtone helps for a couple of days at most, and I’m not talking about alarms now. Feathered bastard!

I’ve got a dog, a Pekingese. When she’s done something wrong, like begged for food or forced it from the cats, I make a serious face and say, "Phenomena, my love, where are thy manners? Thou art a shame on thine mother’s name." Hearing this, she looks really sorry and goes to hide in her house for a long time with her tail between her legs.

I was walking my big coward of a Lab without a leash, and there was this guy walking his little Pomeranian. I call my dog and ask the guy to take his in his hands lest it gets scared. He says it’s okay. So I stand and watch importantly as my Lab’s smelling the Pomeranian, while the latter is looking at him in awe. And then it sneezes. My huge dog rushes to the next block in fright, the guy’s laughing at us, and I’m running after my pet, ashamed.

Friends of ours threw their cat out, and we took it in. We knew he was deaf and didn’t react to any sounds whatsoever but was otherwise a fine and friendly furry buddy. So he’d lived with us for two years when all of a sudden he started to play with plastic bags, react to the sound of the food bag, and come when called. It turned out he was perfectly healthy and just didn’t care. A true cat.

One day, I opened a bottle of beer and the cap accidentally flew right into my cat. In the morning, I found my shoes full of pee, and that same bottle cap was lying next to them. At first I laughed, and then I realized it all...

I have a pet Pomeranian. We rarely go for walks together, but he loves them. Yet still, if we walk for more than 20 minutes, he starts pretending he’s broken both his front legs: he digs his nose into the ground and squeals. The first time I got real scared, and the second time too. Now it’s not working, but I still have to take him in my hands and carry him home.

We live in an apartment building with very thin walls, and you can hear almost everything. Last year, a girl of about 17 or 19 moved in to the apartment next to ours. And each day, several times a day, the whole year, she’s been talking to her cat like this: "Fluffy, HOW can you be such a good cat? Tell me, HOW COME YOU’RE SO GORGEOUS?"

I’ve got a pet. His name’s George, and he’s a goose. As a kid, I used to live on a farm, where my grandma had some birds and animals. One day, she wanted to kill a goose, but he ran away, came to me, and literally begged for protection. I didn’t give him away, and from then on, he’s been following me everywhere. We sold the farm after some time to buy two apartments in town, and now my mom lives with my grandma, and I’ve been living with George ever since. Ever seen a guy who’s lived with a goose for 18 years? That’s me!

My tabby cat’s been trying to get rid of our tomcat since time immemorial. Her latest attempt was when I was having my dinner in the kitchen with the cats sitting beside me. I had to leave the room for a while, and after a few minutes my kitty ran to me howling and calling me back. So I came and saw the tom eating away from my plate, which was lying on the floor. I started scolding the tom and thanking my kitty for her vigilance, but then I found out it was she who tipped the plate in the first place and then ran after me. How do I know? My boyfriend was sitting there and laughing.