12 Worst Mall Santa Claus

mzeBONE Published 12/02/2008

You gotta have some issues to take this job to begin with...

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1.
Flashing Santa. Nobody wants to to see Santa’s dong. Nobody.
2.
Lapdance Santa. It’s a shame when children take a back seat on Santa’s priorty list to getting his junk grinded on by Mrs. Claus.
3.
Narcoleptic Santa. Halfway through hearing a wishlist he’s sawing logs and drooling on a baby.
4.
OK with Adults Santa. There’s just something inherently wrong with a Santa who’s stoked about having 25 year-old dudes sit on his lap. What did Jake Gyllenhaal ask for, anyway?
5.
Pull My Finger Santa. You’d think the pull my finger joke would get old after a hundred or so successful runs, but for PMF Santa it’s like the first time every time.
6.
And Saddam Hussein Santa. Everyone’s gotta pay the bills, right?
7.
Skinny Santa. The cheap bastard running the mall who refuses to dust off his wallet for a 250lb. old man Santa deserves to have the shit kicked out of him.
8.
Sneak a Drink Santa. Even a bunch of dumb fourth graders realize there’s something wrong with brown bottled water.
9.
Super Sweaty Santa. Getting douched in old man sweat isn’t on any kid’s wishlist.
10.
Bad with Baby Santa. You have no business in this profession if you hold an infant like a ticking timebomb. Act like you’ve been here before.
11.
Shitty Fake Beard Santa. Try a little harder pal. Try a little harder.
12.
Touchy Feely Santa. Making kids and their parents uncomfortable one mall visit at a time.

1.
Flashing Santa. Nobody wants to to see Santa’s dong. Nobody.
2.
Lapdance Santa. It’s a shame when children take a back seat on Santa’s priorty list to getting his junk grinded on by Mrs. Claus.
3.
Narcoleptic Santa. Halfway through hearing a wishlist he’s sawing logs and drooling on a baby.
4.
OK with Adults Santa. There’s just something inherently wrong with a Santa who’s stoked about having 25 year-old dudes sit on his lap. What did Jake Gyllenhaal ask for, anyway?
5.
Pull My Finger Santa. You’d think the pull my finger joke would get old after a hundred or so successful runs, but for PMF Santa it’s like the first time every time.
6.
And Saddam Hussein Santa. Everyone’s gotta pay the bills, right?
7.
Skinny Santa. The cheap bastard running the mall who refuses to dust off his wallet for a 250lb. old man Santa deserves to have the shit kicked out of him.
8.
Sneak a Drink Santa. Even a bunch of dumb fourth graders realize there’s something wrong with brown bottled water.
9.
Super Sweaty Santa. Getting douched in old man sweat isn’t on any kid’s wishlist.
10.
Bad with Baby Santa. You have no business in this profession if you hold an infant like a ticking timebomb. Act like you’ve been here before.
11.
Shitty Fake Beard Santa. Try a little harder pal. Try a little harder.
12.
Touchy Feely Santa. Making kids and their parents uncomfortable one mall visit at a time.

Flashing Santa. Nobody wants to to see Santa’s dong. Nobody.

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Tags: worst santa claus mall funny

12 Worst Mall Santa Claus

1.
Flashing Santa. Nobody wants to to see Santa’s dong. Nobody.

2.
Lapdance Santa. It’s a shame when children take a back seat on Santa’s priorty list to getting his junk grinded on by Mrs. Claus.

3.
Narcoleptic Santa. Halfway through hearing a wishlist he’s sawing logs and drooling on a baby.

4.
OK with Adults Santa. There’s just something inherently wrong with a Santa who’s stoked about having 25 year-old dudes sit on his lap. What did Jake Gyllenhaal ask for, anyway?

5.
Pull My Finger Santa. You’d think the pull my finger joke would get old after a hundred or so successful runs, but for PMF Santa it’s like the first time every time.

6.
And Saddam Hussein Santa. Everyone’s gotta pay the bills, right?

7.
Skinny Santa. The cheap bastard running the mall who refuses to dust off his wallet for a 250lb. old man Santa deserves to have the shit kicked out of him.

8.
Sneak a Drink Santa. Even a bunch of dumb fourth graders realize there’s something wrong with brown bottled water.

9.
Super Sweaty Santa. Getting douched in old man sweat isn’t on any kid’s wishlist.

10.
Bad with Baby Santa. You have no business in this profession if you hold an infant like a ticking timebomb. Act like you’ve been here before.

11.
Shitty Fake Beard Santa. Try a little harder pal. Try a little harder.

12.
Touchy Feely Santa. Making kids and their parents uncomfortable one mall visit at a time.

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7.

8.

9.

10.

11.

12.

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3 Comments

eBaum's Picks

1. Flashing Santa. Nobody wants to to see Santa’s dong. Nobody.

2. Lapdance Santa. It’s a shame when children take a back seat on Santa’s priorty list to getting his junk grinded on by Mrs. Claus.

3. Narcoleptic Santa. Halfway through hearing a wishlist he’s sawing logs and drooling on a baby.

4. OK with Adults Santa. There’s just something inherently wrong with a Santa who’s stoked about having 25 year-old dudes sit on his lap. What did Jake Gyllenhaal ask for, anyway?

5. Pull My Finger Santa. You’d think the pull my finger joke would get old after a hundred or so successful runs, but for PMF Santa it’s like the first time every time.

6. And Saddam Hussein Santa. Everyone’s gotta pay the bills, right?

7. Skinny Santa. The cheap bastard running the mall who refuses to dust off his wallet for a 250lb. old man Santa deserves to have the shit kicked out of him.

8. Sneak a Drink Santa. Even a bunch of dumb fourth graders realize there’s something wrong with brown bottled water.

9. Super Sweaty Santa. Getting douched in old man sweat isn’t on any kid’s wishlist.

10. Bad with Baby Santa. You have no business in this profession if you hold an infant like a ticking timebomb. Act like you’ve been here before.

11. Shitty Fake Beard Santa. Try a little harder pal. Try a little harder.

12. Touchy Feely Santa. Making kids and their parents uncomfortable one mall visit at a time.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

11.

12.

Share This Image

3 Comments

eBaum's Picks

1.
Flashing Santa. Nobody wants to to see Santa’s dong. Nobody.

2.
Lapdance Santa. It’s a shame when children take a back seat on Santa’s priorty list to getting his junk grinded on by Mrs. Claus.

3.
Narcoleptic Santa. Halfway through hearing a wishlist he’s sawing logs and drooling on a baby.

4.
OK with Adults Santa. There’s just something inherently wrong with a Santa who’s stoked about having 25 year-old dudes sit on his lap. What did Jake Gyllenhaal ask for, anyway?

5.
Pull My Finger Santa. You’d think the pull my finger joke would get old after a hundred or so successful runs, but for PMF Santa it’s like the first time every time.

6.
And Saddam Hussein Santa. Everyone’s gotta pay the bills, right?

7.
Skinny Santa. The cheap bastard running the mall who refuses to dust off his wallet for a 250lb. old man Santa deserves to have the shit kicked out of him.

8.
Sneak a Drink Santa. Even a bunch of dumb fourth graders realize there’s something wrong with brown bottled water.

9.
Super Sweaty Santa. Getting douched in old man sweat isn’t on any kid’s wishlist.

10.
Bad with Baby Santa. You have no business in this profession if you hold an infant like a ticking timebomb. Act like you’ve been here before.

11.
Shitty Fake Beard Santa. Try a little harder pal. Try a little harder.

12.
Touchy Feely Santa. Making kids and their parents uncomfortable one mall visit at a time.