“As im slipping it in, her- “wait, you washed it since you pooped last,right?” , me- “what? Yes”, her- “but with antibacterial soap, right?”, me -“um, what… yeah sure”, her -“i dont believe you. Go wash in now and i need to smell it first.”

“I stopped taking the pill”……after I came….. and that was the end of that relationship.

“Hurry up”

Just screaming, in pleasure, from the very start. Like, I just stuck it in, I know it’s not that good. So awkward.

“i’m gonna put something up your butt when you least expect it”

I was drunk and had a serious case of the whiskey dick. After about an hour of not finishing (simply cos I couldn’t, lol), she proceeded to cry and throw a fit about how she’s ‘not good enough’ and went on about how ugly she was and unable to satisfy me cos she was so ‘fat and unfunny’. As if I wasn’t struggling enough

“Let’s Make a Baby!” This was on our 2nd date. Nnnnnewp!

She didn’t say anything, but she puked. I will say that when a girl throws up, her kegels tighten up pretty dramatically. That part was pretty impressive.

One time my ex referred to my penis as “Wilfred”, the name of her fish

Gf of six months screams, “Oh my god, Greg!” My name isn’t Greg.

“I’ve had bigger.” Those words still sting.

“f*ck me daddy! f*ck me! I won’t tell mommy, promise!” I can get into some role play but that just creeped me the fuck out because she sounded like she had experienced it before. Yeah, that relationship ended real quick

The worst thing a girl said to me was when I was giving oral sex for the first time she stopped me and asked me what I was doing down there.

“Wanna suck MY d*ck?”