Attempting to catch my dogs shit in the bag rather than picking it up from the ground. Seemed like a good idea. Dog sharted up my arm. Had a long walk back home through my neighborhood covered in shit. Never again.

Yesterday I was in a hurry and not being very safe and put a 1/4″ drill bit through my hand. Could have been 100% avoided by taking even the slightest of safety precautions but I was frustrated and rushing to finish. Never again will I not take the simple moment to do it correctly.

Peppermint essential oil. Why? My darling spouse read online you could use it on lady bits to provide a tingling sensation. Decided to do so to me. DIDN’T read the bit about majorly diluting it first. The result? The sensation of 1,000 fire ants biting my most intimate parts while simultaneously being submerged in lava. And since it’s an oil, washing it off did jack shit. I sobbed in a half full bath tub whilst rubbing my cooch with a towel doused in vegetable oil (the remedy, according to the Internet).

Purchased a bag of 150 mint mentos as a study snack. Got stuck into an assignment and somehow ate the entire bag over a twelve hour period. Next day my partner and I walked our dogs down to a cafe. Stomach becomes sore while we drink our coffee. I look to the toilet but it’s a busy cafe with a single toilet. Figure I’ll just wait to do my business back home (about a half hour walk away). As we start walking back I begin to sweat. Cramps become unbearable. Give my partner the dog lead and tell her I need to run. She doesn’t know what’s going on. I start sprinting. Which then makes the stomach cramps so much worse. Realise I’m not going to make it. Almost crying from the stomach cramps. See a Bush. Can’t hold it. Pull pants down. Don’t quite succeed. Shit EVERYWHERE! Bush isn’t concealed. Other dog walkers walk past and dog runs up. Mortified. Still can’t stop shitting. Partner sees me. My pug happy to see me. Runs straight up and into my mentos diarrhoea. Haven’t eaten mentos ever again. It’s a fun story now but god did that day suck. Partner loves to bring it up at dinner parties.

Alcohol and Cocaine. Almost ruined my life. Started drinking at 16, started doing coke at 26, and took till I was damn near 41 to quit. Dumped my last baggie of blow out beside my garage 23 years ago and haven’t touched the shit since.

Living with a couple. Roommates suck in general but at 3 times in my life I split an apartment with a couple and it was awkward at best, and truly miserable when they fought.

Working retail. I think it’s something every young person should do…once. People suck, especially with our bullshit culture of “the customer is alway right”

Ate a whole bag of cooked Chinese peanuts oh my sh*t was i stuck on the shitter for hours on end and i couldnt leave the house without risking shitting myself

Believing words over behavioral patterns. I have been present for the kind of people who only take from you and then they forget. But they sweet talk you into believing otherwise. It’s baffling how I have been conned by so many of these people who seem to appear “nice”.

College class at 8 AM as a night owl.

Jagerbombs. Something about Jager makes me violently ill. Being stone cold sober, puking your guts up in the nightclub toilets is not a good way to start the night, especially when security thinks you’re drunk and are considering kicking you out.

Drinking about 5 cans of Spike Energy Drink in one sitting. Ended up awake the whole night and into the morning

Cheap Hotels. I stayed at a hotel that seemed nice online at a decent rate but when I got there it was a shit hole. Walls were a weird yellow color, bathroom was disgusting, clerk was some nasty woman stuffing her face with fast food, sketchy people everywhere smoking. The room had its fire alarm missing and the hole stuffed with paper. The wall outlet covers were broken and had exposed outlets. From that point on I vowed to spend whatever it took to make sure I stayed at a nice hotel.

Season 6 of Walking Dead. Why did I even let it get that far?!

Boiled pizza rolls. No other explanation needed…

Law school. I applied and got in because my parents thought I would be a good fit. I stuck out the first year because I was heavily influenced into thinking my career paths only included law, engineering or medicine. After the first year I was miserable and depressed, dropped out and now I’m doing something that I’m passionate about and is less saturated than law. My dad is still trying to convince me to pursue a JD.