“If it was possible to even land a plane on Japan because it’s so small. Because, you know, maps are a 1:1 description of the world.”

“I was at my cottage looking at the stars at night with a friend and she turned to me and asked: “are there countries in the sky?” I didn’t know what she meant so I asked her to explain and then she said: “Well, are there any countries in the world that are just kind of, in the sky?” I was so confused that I just sat there in silence but eventually she says “I mean, is there land on the earth in the sky where people live that are countries?” At that point I just gave up and said “no” and she replied “oh, okay” so reassuringly.”

“I work in a toll booth and was working on the westbound side. A lady drove up to my booth really mad, which is par for the course but I digress. She told me that every day she takes this route home from work, and every. single. day. the sun is directly in her eyes… Well of course, she's driving westbound at 6 pm. When I mentioned this she brushed it off and asked “well can’t you change the direction of the road or at least put a cover over it?! I can’t be the only person who is bothered by this!”

“My 21 year old sister once asked my entire family at dinner if Nuns don’t have sex where do they get more nuns. That takes the cake for me.”

“I’m a whitewater raft guide. One of my customers asked me why they put rocks in the river if they’re so dangerous.”

“I am an identical twin and one time a girl asked me if we get each other confused.”

“Waited on a woman who asked me what kind of meat was in our beef taco salad. Lady: what kind of meat is in your beef taco salad? Me : Beef L: what kind of beef? Me: Beef, ground beef seasoned with taco seasoning. L: No, I mean is it pork or chicken?”

“Can you imagine what kind of animals giraffes fuck? Yea dude. Other giraffes.”

“What day of the week is good Friday on? Do you mean what date? No, what day of the week. It was on a Thursday last year.”

“Working for a rafting company I’m asked far too often at the end of the float if we are back at the start. Rivers don’t flow in god damn circles!”

“How did we build the mountains?” – my brothers fiance, while we drove through the rockies”

“I have a buzz cut. A guy at work recently asked, dead seriously “Do you cut your hair? Or does it only grow that long?”

“Not me, but our safari guide in South Africa said he once heard a woman ask her husband, “Honey, is that the same moon we see in Texas?”

“My wife and I were watching The Martian and she looked over at me and asked if it was based on a true story.”

“25 year old woman asked me if a blowjob could get her pregnant.”

“The USA is in California right?”

“A full moon only happens once every 10 years, right?”