“A friend quickly switched the faucet from hot water to cold while I was washing dishes because, “nail polish is flammable!”

“A customer at work who said that her dog running loose in the street constantly wasn’t an issue because he survived when he was hit by a car before and now he “controls the traffic”

“From a customer “How do you type a capital 4?”

“My friend thought due to time zone differences between the US and the UK you could place a bet in the UK on an NFL game that had happened in the US and cheat the system because it hadn’t happened yet in the UK.”

“Years ago I had a friend in high school that asked if the reason why Europe and America are in different time zones is because of time slowing down when it travels over water.”

“Alaska is an island near Australia. Sounded so confident and sure of it.”

“Had a coworker once tell me he didn’t eat maple syrup because it was tree semen. I tried to explain how pollination works and he just shook his head and said, “nah, that’s not how sex works”.”

“A blowjob doesn’t count as cheating because, and I quote, ‘it doesn’t include the genitals.’

“Substitute teacher in 7th grade told me how to pronounce my last name…”

““You don’t need any paper work to immigrate, you just hop on a plane and move there”

“Were you born or adopted?”

“My sisters friend, who is 22, believes that when you fly in an airplane, once you are in the air you just levitate there and the earth rotates under you. When the plane is over the destination the plane lowers again and that’s what happens.”

“Once I had someone call my name in school down the hall to legit ask me what’s my name, was around 3rd grade I guess he forgot from the walk down the hall.”

“When I worked at a call centre and someone said “Q for cucumber” to me.”

“My friend Nate told me that he owned a space ship, and my dumb 1st grade ass believed him.”

“I was driving with my mother on a pitch black night. My mother said the stars weren’t out because there was no moon for them to reflect off of.”

“”My dog is allergic to your beard” I shit you not.”

“I work at an animal shelter and a woman asked me if we had any dogs that didn’t poop. I told her no, all dogs poop. So she asked about cats.”

“While in a really long car trip with my parents, we were discussing countries we’d like to visit. My mother said she’d like to visit Japan to see the Great Wall of China.”