Putting a 9V battery on your braces is not a great idea. It melts the rubber bands and you have to explain it to the orthodontist.

I chased a giant white squirrel and I found out it was actually a skunk.

I was late for work and starving. The chicken I pulled from the fridge for a quick dinner smelled a little weird. But it was organic and I had roasted it myself, so it must be fine. So very f*****g wrong. 18 hours of pure hell. I would have gone to the hospital but I literally couldn’t get off my bathroom floor. Fainted twice and ended up with a black eye from hitting my head on the toilet. When in doubt, throw it out.

As a young girl, I used to kick boys in the shins when they annoyed me. One finally kicked me back. That s**t hurt more than I expected, and I stopped kicking the boys.

Brake checked a tailgating jerk. He flew around me and slammed the brakes with no intention of letting off. Should have known better since he had an old beater and I had a fairly new car. 6500 dollar lesson to just let things go.

I once thought I could easily handle spicy food, so I challenged my friend to a hot wing eating contest. Turns out, my tolerance wasn't as high as I thought, and I spent the rest of the night regretting my decision in the bathroom. Lesson learned: don't underestimate the power of spicy food!

If you throw rocks at chickens and laugh at the angry rooster, the rooster will find a way through the fence to hunt your a*s down.

I discovered that procrastination doesn't make problems disappear; it just delays the inevitable and often makes them worse.

Don’t mouth off to the judge or he will throw the book at you….

Skateboarding is not easy, not at 40 anyhow.

During a fight someone announced to me they were an expert in Kickboxing. 'Course you f*****g are' was my sarcastic reply *Narrators voice "they were an expert."* He beat me into the ER.

I physically grabbed and lifted my dog out of a fight with another dog and he bit me

Ignoring my medical problem didn’t make it go away lol.

My uncle once f****d around with a raccoon and found out

Decided at the tender age of 8 or 9 that I was immune to poison ivy, since I spent quite large amounts of time outside and had never once gotten a rash from it. Since I was a born scientist, apparently, I decided to test this...by rubbing egregious amounts of the plant all over my upper body. Needless to say, I was not immune. In the slightest.

Kept pushing back for my wisdom teeth removal (not putting money aside for it) and lo and behold, the pain went from 0 to 100 quickly and I finally took them out. Thankfully the rest of my teeth are fine and happy :)

Drank for too many years. Went from Fun Bobby to Mean Bobby. Stayed as Mean Bobby for way too long. Sober now, getting on ten years. There’s still a path of destruction behind me, but the new path has been very good for me.

Gave a hitchhiker a ride. He thanked me for my kindness while attempting to steal my medication out of my purse.

When the infected tooth is on a Saturday, and the dentist opens on Monday, and you're at urgent care on Sunday asking for painkillers because holy s**t it hurts, and they offer you antibiotics, say yes. I said no, and wound up with IV antibiotics three days later.

Abusers aren't worth a second chance. If they know you're willing to leave, they'll just go harder. Being lonely is better than being broken.