I truly believed for the longest time that hair grew from the ends of the strands, not from the scalp. When I was 13, I asked my friend who had dyed her hair what she was going to do when the ends grew in her natural color. Didn’t hear the end of it. My stupidity still pains me to this day.

I thought Robins (the birds) came out of hibernation at Christmas time because that’s when you see them on cards and stuff in the UK. I did not realize for a verrrry long time that you, in fact, see them all the time, like normal birds.

I actually thought robins and sparrows were the same thing. And in the winter, sparrows’ chests turn red.

I thought, until the age of about 21, that when companies had “Est” next to their name, it was estimated that companies were started around that time. It was only when I voiced my disgust profoundly to my then-partner that it was ridiculous that no one knew when these companies were formed, and why were they all estimated?! She just stared at me blankly for a moment and just went: “Established.” Penny dropped real hard.

Not me, but a friend of mine didn’t learn that Martin Luther and Martin Luther King, Jr weren’t the same person until college.

I thought that when you ate, all the food piled up from your feet, and then when it reached your butt, you went poop. No clue where it came from but I believed it far longer than I should have.

A friend of mine had a mom that would make sure there was an inch of room for his feet to grow whenever he got new shoes as a kid. He was in his twenties and trying on new shoes, and asked the salesperson if there was room at the tip. They looked up at him like he was nuts and said, “You don’t need room, you’re done growing.” Oof.

A pony is not a baby horse. I’m 47 and learned that less than a decade ago.

My mother told me that if you swallowed gum it would stick to your ribs. I was in my second year of college in an Anatomy class when it hit me that this isn’t true.

My mom used to tell me the car doesn’t start if the seatbelts aren’t buckled... didn’t know that wasn’t a real feature until I was 22.

I spent until well into my teen years thinking it was cool how The Rolling Stones were so influential in music that they have a whole magazine reviewing stuff. Like I really thought Mick Jagger was just giving his opinion on stuff.

Not me, but my father once snuck into the woods during a family camping trip and put marshmallows on a bush, so it looked like they grew on it. My sister made it to post-secondary horticulture before she wised up.

I always thought the term, “the coast is clear” was, “the ghost is clear” (transparent).

My mother used to feed me ’dark green lettuce’ as salad, I loved it even when I was a kid. I think I was 17 and I had a friend over for dinner, asked my mom for seconds of dark green lettuce. Friend looks at me like I’m nuts, “Uh, you mean spinach?”

When I was 4 or 5 my mother brought me home a balloon one day. Plain blue balloon with helium. I accidentally let it go and it flew away. Being little, I was devastated. Later that night she comes back from somewhere and tells me she was at the gas station and miraculously, my balloon just came floating by. Being a kid, I was thrilled and totally believed it. So fast forward 20+ years. I’m on a date, we stop to get gas, and we see a balloon floating by the gas station. Probably hadn’t thought of that story again in all that time. So I start telling my date the story about how I had a balloon fly away and then my mother found the very same balloon at a gas station, and then, as I’m saying it out loud, I realize (too late to not look like an idiot) that of course, it wasn’t the same balloon. I’ve never seen someone laugh so hard.

Thought the former leader of North Korea was Kim Jong the Second for an embarrassingly long time. I somehow managed to avoid hearing his name said out loud. Or... written in a serif font, apparently.

One day I had a lightbulb moment. “Pickling is a process! You can pickle anything. SO WHAT ARE PICKLES?!?” I was gonna blow so many minds with this question. Turns out, it’s cucumbers. And everyone on the planet knew that, except me.

In college, I had a tough time trying to convince a friend that yellow dandelion flowers were the same as the white puffballs. I had to find a plant that had both stages coming from the same base.

Reindeer are real animals. When I found out about Father Christmas I thought that meant reindeer weren’t real. I was very much an adult when I was very confused (and excited) to see one in real life.

I was baking a cake in my dorm for my 19th birthday. My friends were running around and being loud so I yelled at them to stop because I didn’t want them to ruin the cake. They looked at me like I had 2 heads so I had to explain that my siblings and I were always taught that making loud noises or running around a kitchen when something was baking would make it fall. I was surprised they had never learned that baking rule.

I thought an Axolotl was a fantasy creature that didn’t exist. I mean you can’t blame me, just look up a picture of one and tell me that it doesn’t look straight out of some fantasy movie.